Conversation · Physical Instrument

Son, you've really let yourself go -- it's a disgrace. But Coach Physical Instrument is going to get you back in prime condition. Even if it takes a million push-ups!

Yes sir! Forge me into organic steel, coach!

It's going to take blood, sweat, piss, and tears, but when I'm done with you, boy, you will be a Master Athlete!

Wait, why piss?

When a man sets his mind and body on something and gives his hundred and ten percent, he is sometimes going to piss himself. It just happens. No shame in that.

Let's do this, coach, I'm with you! (Opt in.)

Behold, world -- here walks a sportsman, hands chalked and hair kept back with a bandana. The homo athleticus!.

Too much abuse for my taste. I'm more of an intellectual. (Opt out.)

Attention, attention! An old has-been giving up! Come see the has-been quitting again, everyone!

Coach Physical Instrument? Does that mean you'll call me a maggot and a nancy-boy to motivate me?

Does a master swordsman insult his own blade? No! I'm going to turn you into an athletic bench-mark, you big pussy!

I'm really, really not interested. [Discard thought.]