Conversation · Suzerainty: The Board Game

The 'Suzerainty' box is heavy and slightly awkward in your hands. You give it a light shake, and feel the pieces shift around inside.

Pick up where you left off.

It takes a while, but you and the lieutenant manage to put everything more or less where it was...

"As I recall, it was your turn, detective."

The endgame is upon you. What will be your crowning achievement as the suzerain's territorial administrator?

You could continue your efforts to win the hearts of your worker tokens by building the rarely attempted public education system for your territories...

Alternatively you could actually try to win the game by building the extremely valuable victory column in Revachol or by crushing the lieutenant in a devastating trade war...

The choice is yours.

"For almighty Revachol!" (Go for the victory column.)

Using the substantial coins and resources you've accumulated from diligently fulfilling contracts and constructing trade routes, you spend your final turns constructing the ultimate structure in the game, the Revacholian victory column...

With a triumphant flourish, you remove a rectangular token from one of the satchels and place it in the centre of the board...

"Hmmm, this feels strangely anti-climactic."

The lieutenant sighs. "That's the problem with certain games. At some point they just end, as though no one expected the players to make it that far..."

"Now, let's tally up the scores, shall we?"

Computing the final scores is almost a game unto itself. You each spend an inordinate amount of time making stacks of coins, consulting tables, and struggling with basic addition and multiplication...

After double- and then triple-checking your maths, you have your final score...

Thirty-five victory points! The suzerain will be extremely pleased.

The lieutenant looks up from his tabulations. "I've got 26 points," he says, slightly disappointed...

"Looks like you won convincingly... well played, detective."

"Now, let's clean up and get back to work."

You hold the open game box before you.

"Behold my vast accomplishments."

"They're nice tokens, yes. Very impressive..."

Building the ultimate structure requires diligent economic planning, which you completely failed to do...

Rather than build a glorious monument to Revachol's economic superiority, you have to settle for a handful of post offices and school for the blind.

"A risky gambit, detective. Sorry it didn't pay off."

"Guess I should have gone with a more consistent strategy."

"That might have helped, yes..."

"Now, let's tally up the scores, shall we?"

Computing the final scores is almost a game unto itself. You each spend an inordinate amount of time making stacks of coins, consulting tables, and struggling with basic addition and multiplication...

After double- and then triple-checking your maths, you have your final score...

Fifteen victory points. The suzerain will not be impressed.

The lieutenant looks up from his tabulations. "I've got 26 points," he says, a barely contained smile breaking out across his face...

"Don't be glum, detective. There's always next time. Figuratively, I mean. There's no way we have time to play this game again..."

"This dumb game is rigged, rigged I say!"

"Don't be a sore loser, detective. Your moves were your own..."

"It's on, Kim." (Launch a trade war.)

The lieutenant nods gravely as you erect tariffs against his apricots and sugar. This is going to get ugly...

With every turn tariffs are raised, until neither you nor the lieutenant are producing any income or generating resources for the suzerain...

With your army of cheap, not-cocaine-addicted labour, you're able to survive the tit-for-tat of the trade war, though it leaves both your and the lieutenant's economies worse-off than before...

Soon the entire board is a field of economic carnage. Worker tokens lie strewn across the board, which is also bereft of valuable resources.

"I hope you learned your lesson, Kim."

"I have no idea what 'lesson' you think you taught me. Somehow I don't think this is going to work out well for either of us..."

"Let's tally up the scores, shall we?"

Computing the final scores is almost a game unto itself. You each spend an inordinate amount of time making stacks of coins, consulting tables, and struggling with basic addition and multiplication...

After double- and then triple-checking your maths, you have your final score...

Fifteen victory points. Whether you win or not, the suzerain is unlikely to be pleased at the loss to productivity caused by his subordinates' shenanigans.

The lieutenant looks up from his tabulations. "I've got 15 points," he says...

"A tie," he says, with evident irritation. "Well, I suppose that's what we deserve for trashing the suzerain's economy. Good game, detective."

"Hmmm, that wasn't very productive for either of us, was it?"

"No, not at all. I suspect this is going to be a rather low-scoring game..."

"What happens now?"

"Now we find out what's left of our economies..."

Even in the best of cases it's impossible to really "win" a trade war. But this is far from the best case, and the lieutenant's apricot-powered economic engine crushes yours...

Soon your coffers are empty and the map lies strewn with your worker tokens.

"I hope you learned your lesson," the lieutenant says with a sharp smile.

"Yeah, never play board games."

"Never fuck with Kim Kitsuragi."

"Now, let's tally up the scores, shall we?"

Computing the final scores is almost a game unto itself. You each spend an inordinate amount of time making stacks of coins, consulting tables, and struggling with basic addition and multiplication...