Conversation · Mirror

You should check yourself for a pulse, because from here it looks like a cadaverous spasm.

I don't want to know.

Good call. Go ahead and try something, if you like. Or -- you know -- stop staring into the mirror.

Check for pulse.

You find no sign of life on your swollen neck. However, putting your hand on your chest reveals an irregular heartbeat. You appear to be alive -- for now.

I don't need to. I almost died trying to get that tie, but I heard my heart beat.

Getting clever appears to make The Expression even worse. Now it's mixed with smugness.

I think it's supposed to look suggestive. I'm afraid it's meant for the ladies.

Please promise yourself you are not going to try it on any of the ladies, whatever happens.

I promise.

You liar. You can't even tell the truth to yourself. Go ahead, try something!

I promise. (Lie.)

No one tells me what to do.

That's right! Not even yourself. Go ahead, try something, it's not an order.

I'm insinuating that I'm vaguely sympathetic. I think I'm sort of pulling it off too -- in a sad has-been kind of way. There is some charm to it.

There might have been. Ten years ago. It's little more than a cadaverous spasm now.

Superstardom.

You should check yourself for a pulse, superstar. From here it looks like a cadaverous spasm.

You should check yourself for a pulse, superstar. From here it looks like a cadaverous spasm.

If I can't stop, I wouldn't want to know. Better to just keep making it.

Maybe that's how it started? And now it doesn't even matter anymore -- you've worn that grin into your face and it will never come off...

I can try to. (Try to stop.)

Oh my god, you can't stop! It's like it's not even voluntary anymore! You have worn that grin into your face and now it won't come off...

No. (Keep making the face.)

You can't, can you? It's like it's not even voluntary anymore. You have worn that grin into your face and now it won't come off...

Okay. (Try to stop.)

No, this is what superstars do. (Keep making the face.)

I have no idea why it's there. It just is.

I'm not making it, the face is making it itself.

This is the face of a late-stage alcoholic.

Too late. You clearly have rigor mortis on your face, or wait... is that an expression? Are you trying to make an expression with that face? Why?

Dear lord help me, what is this?!

Whatever it is, at least it's dead now. There's clearly rigor mortis on your face. Or wait... is that an expression? Are you trying to make an expression with that face?

Lets just get it over with. Wipe the mirror.

Maybe I should touch it first, make sure there's nothing wrong with my face.

Yeah, there is definitely something wrong with it.

How bad could it be?

Where to even begin? There's the bloatedness, then the swollenness... It's like there's an upholstery of alcohol underneath your skin.

I'm outta here. [Leave.]

I'm scared. I want to stop doing this.

Don't be scared. It's only your face. It's not like anyone is going to see it.

At least my tongue is okay. (Touch your tongue.)

It's not. It's swollen and snail-like, wriggling between your fingers.

Wipe the mirror now.

I'm sorry. (Touch your nose.)

Bet you are. Your nose feels like a small balloon in the middle of your face. It hurts when you honk it, and it doesn't appear to be a particularly tiny nose either. Not with all the drinks it's absorbed for you.

What? What's wrong?

[Better not to know -- Leave.]

No way, I'm not doing this. [Back off.]

The bathroom mirror has been wiped completely clean. You see the reflection of your face in the mirror -- such as it is. A regular, clean-shaven police officer.

It's time. Time to see yourself as you truly are. It's going to be absolutely devastating, but there's no way to avoid it.

This idiocy has gone on too long. It's time to wipe that decadent homo-sexual grin off your face.

The bathroom mirror has been wiped completely clean. You see the reflection of your face in the mirror -- such as it is without The Expression. It's just hairy.

The bathroom mirror has been wiped completely clean. You see the reflection of yourself in the mirror -- The Expression fixed to your clean-shaven face. You're still not accustomed to it.

The bathroom mirror has been wiped completely clean. You see the reflection of your face in the mirror -- even now adorned with The Expression.

A mirror hangs on the bathroom wall. It's barely covered in steam anymore. You see your face, such as it is. A regular, clean-shaven police officer.

It's time. Time to see yourself as you truly are. It's going to be absolutely devastating, but there's no way to avoid it.

This idiocy has gone on too long. It's time to wipe that decadent homo-sexual grin off your face.

A mirror hangs on the bathroom wall. It's barely covered in steam anymore. You see your face, such as it is without The Expression. It's just hairy.

A mirror hangs on the bathroom wall. It's barely covered in steam anymore. You see yourself -- The Expression fixed to your clean-shaven face. You're still not accustomed to it.