Conversation · Jean Vicquemare

"Yes, I was spying on you. I was in the bar, wearing a wig and stupid sunglasses. You didn't recognize me -- your own partner. Walked right past me..."

"A disguise... why?"

"I heard you'd lost your mind and your memory. I wanted to see if it was true. And it is, Harry -- you're totally insane now. Good job."

"In the crowd, there was a man and a woman in RCM uniform," he says to you, then turns to Vicquemare. "In his defence -- we were in a hurry."

"Cuno knew dress-up-pigs were in town. Cuno meant to dust them -- Cuno pig-duster -- but didn't, 'cause Cuno cares." The kid nods solemnly.

"You." (Nod to the female officer.) "I'm sorry I didn't recognize you before."

"It's okay," she sighs. "I didn't come here to gloat, or to fool you. Neither did he, actually." She gestures toward Vicquemare. "We're just worried."

"That's right -- 'worried'. I'm always worried about you. Every time you don't show up to work, or when you do -- but stink."

"You're a worry-fest. She's worried about you. I'm worried about you. Even Special Consultant Backpedal is worried about you. Everyone worries -- instead of working."

He's got a very, very solid case there. Actually, I've been trying to find a good moment to tell you...

You're worried too?

Yes. You often sound like a brutal idiot.

Fuck you too! I don't need help!

Listen to yourself. You sound like a brutal idiot. No matter what I do.

"Where have you been all this time?"

"Goddamnit, Harry..." He shifts his weight, crosses his arms, and looks you in the eye.

"You told us to fuck off. You said we're cramping your style. You're Detective God. Fuck everything. All will burn. Detect or die!"

"And you were probably right too -- I would have never let you abduct a kid and take him on a creepy boat trip in the middle of fucking March!"

"You talking about Cuno?" He points to himself. "Major Cuno wasn't abducted, you fucking fat dink! Fuck outta here..."

"Wait, so you let me face a squad of trained killers alone just to teach me a lesson?"

"It wasn't like that..."

"Fuck you, Harry -- we didn't know there was gonna be a tribunal, did we?"

"All will burn, Satellite-Officer Vicquemare. Make no mistake about it."

"Here we go -- alcoholic delirium. Visions. All must pay..." He shakes his head.

"Why would you leave a literal Police God?"

"You were crying hysterically. You were drunk, breaking things, being emotionally abusive. You said we were going 'into the abyss'."

"None of us wanted to see the abyss, so we fucked off." He sighs. "Like you told us to."

"Why didn't you detect or die then?"

"Oh, you think it was cool -- you saying that? Aesthetic somehow? You were crying when we got here. Breaking things. You said we were going 'into the abyss'."

"I said all those things? I'm not like that anymore."

"Sure..." he squints at you. "You're not a... superstar law official. Talk on the town is you're Guillaume Le Million reincarnate. I know this shit. Nothing has changed."

"Sure..." he squints at you. "Talk on the town is you're the 'mouthpiece of the Gloaming.' Deranged apocalyptic rhetoric... Nothing has changed."

"Yes. You're sorry. You're the sorriest cop who ever lived. Nothing has changed, Harry. I've heard this repentance shit a million times over."

"Are you sure?" He squints at you. "So you haven't been telling everyone what a boring cop you are -- and that you should kill yourself? People say you've been out of your mind. I asked around."

"Where have we been? We've been fucking off, as far as I remember." He crosses his arms.

"Duped again! No one's who they say they are!"

"Duped? Hey, here's a brilliant idea -- don't be a morbid drunk and you won't be duped so easily."

"Gardener, scab leader, this..." (Turn to the lieutenant.) "Tell me at least you are who you said you were!"

"Yes. I'm still Kim Kitsuragi -- still a lieutenant from Precinct 57."

Still caught up in this crossfire, too...

"Fuck, pig..." The boy looks slightly uncomfortable. "The name's Kuuno, not Cuno. It's... lamer. My name's lamer than I said it was."

He looks repentant. "Just try not to shit yourself -- please."

"Okay. That... does have something to do with it, yes."

"No. Everyone's just a brilliant master of disguises."

"It's the gardener situation all over again..." (Turn to the lieutenant.) "Tell me at least you are who you said you were."

"You aren't the Man with Sunglasses at all... you're not even blond!"

"Guilty as charged." He exchanges a look with the special consultant. "I heard you'd lost your mind and your memory. I wanted to see if it was true."

"And it was. Good work, Harry. You're insane now. There's one less person for me -- and everyone else -- to rely on."

He was too sarcastic for you to realize who he was.

"Okay. I had that coming."

"Had what coming? Not recognizing people you work with every day?" He squints. "Brain damage?"

"Maybe if you hadn't been so sarcastic, I would have realized I knew you."

"I'm clinically depressed, Harry. Sorry if I wasn't in the mood to butter you up after you told us to fuck off."

"Actually, I suspected something was off."

"Did you? Or did you think I was a god damn FIREFIGHTER? We've been partners for how long, Harry?" He adjusts his tie. "Don't answer that -- you don't remember."

Absolutely no idea. A hundred years?

Judging by the familiarity you feel toward him -- two years minimum? Or maybe a short, but close stint on the task force...

He's right. Don't start guessing. Now's not a good time.

"Did you? Or did you think I was a god damn MALE NURSE? We've been partners for how long, Harry?" He adjusts his tie. "Don't answer that -- you don't remember."

"Did you? Or did you think I was a god damn ANIMAL HANDLER? We've been partners for how long, Harry?" He adjusts his tie. "Don't answer that -- you don't remember."