Conversation · Alice

"It will take just a moment, officer..."

Her voices fades out into the familiar radio static.

"Gottlieb. What is it now?" There's not the slightest hint of wanting to know the answer in that familiar raspy voice.

"Doc, someone broke my heart."

"Look, pal -- getting pumped and dumped is not a disease. People live through it all the time. You should be happy for her."

"Do you know who this person was, have I told you..."

"You must have me confused for a close personal friend... I am not. I am a medical professional -- with a constant idiot emergency on my hands."

One needs tending to right now, he thinks, looking around the room. God, these apes...

You hear someone whine in the background. "My eye, doc... my eye..."

"Wait... pumped and dumped?"

"That's what the guys say, officer. That some chick pumped you -- and then dumped you. Threw you away like an empty juice carton."

Don't take it personally. There just wasn't any juice left in your carton, pal.

"I couldn't reach up and grab a tie from a spinning fan without unbearable pain shooting through my arm."

"Hard to tell exactly what it was over the phone. Could be a combination of peripheral neuralgia and high blood pressure. Could be that you were having a heart attack..."

"...or, actually!" He seems to be positively surprised by the idea. "It could be both, given your profile."

"Wait... both? But that sounds bad."

"Yup."

"No wonder I'm in so much pain. I feel like I've been... damaged."

"Yes. Probably in more ways than one."

He sounds very careless about it all. Positively breezy.

You're detecting very little in the way of empathy from Dr. Gottlieb.

"So what do I do?"

"Cut down on the drinking, pal. In fact, cut off the drinking. The drugs too. Anything else?"

What's he going on about? You know that speed is great for you. But, shh, don't tell him -- he won't understand.

Abstinence could have immediate positive effects on your health.

Which reminds me -- when are we finally going to get that speed?

Oh, but speed, sweet speed... It goes so well with alcohol, too...

"I still feel pretty good though. I can probably take a lot of damage."

"Yes, positive thinking is a well-known cure-all. My suggestion is to exercise a lot."

"I guess that's it for now." [Hang up.]

"Mhphm." The phone clicks. Suddenly you hear the already familiar voice...

"Anything else I can help you with, officer?"

"Yes, it's Firewalker here."

"Firewalker? Yes, yes you are. Just don't breathe in the general direction of your fire-feet. Actually, wait..."

"...do exactly that. Put yourself out of your misery. Take a deep diaphragmatic breath in and..." You hear an exaggerated inhale and a long exhale on the other end of the line.

The firewalker cannot die.

It would be an artistic statement of some kind or another.

A glorious sight: your body, tired from the vastness of the visions that haunt it, burning up in a flame fed by your own living breath.

Self-immolation has been all the rage in Lo Manthang for a while now, especially among university students. It is particularly popular in Co Hoi, where such acts get the most press.

But why?

Young religious people protesting the Seraise government, which they consider to be oppressive. It's also got something to do with the encroaching Occidental influences on the local way of life. You have to not like a lot of things to set yourself on fire.

Young people are stupid.

Yes, especially young people in young countries. Anyway, answer the man.

"I feel like you're making fun of me."

"I'm the most serious person at this station, detective. Now, do you have any current, pressing medical problems?"

"So you see it too? That my body is to become the last torch in the darkness?"

"I see third-degree burns and a referral to a plastic surgeon whom you won't be able to afford. But that's in the future. Do you have any current, pressing medical problems?"

"The smell of my own flesh cooking... I wonder what it would be like..."

"Please wonder on your own time. Now, do you have any current, pressing medical problems?"

"'Cop Sets Fire to Himself.' That would be quite an interesting conceptual piece, don't you think?"

"Sounds more like a newspaper headline that will surprise absolutely no one. Now, do you have any current, pressing medical problems?"

"This has been my plan all along. I want to protest the Coalition government."

"From what I can tell, you're just playing into their hands -- disabling yourself from doing any actually useful work. Now, do you have any current, pressing medical problems?"

I wish I was young and on fire.

You can still be. There's time. Anyway, answer the man.

They should be forced to serve in the military.

Uhm... they already are. Anyway, answer the man.

That's awful. I don't want to think about it anymore. [Ignore thought.]

Ignorance is bliss, as they say. Go ahead, answer the man!

This is not about self-immolation in the Samarskilt AR.