Conversation · Suggestion

Good. Step one complete. Now, let the lieutenant feast his eyes on the fruit of the tree of cool.

Yawn and stretch like a leather-clad panther.

"Very rock and roll, but is now really the time?"

You've got to work your way into this thing. The subtle way. Wind him up a little, don't immediately go for the kill.

'Subtle' like the aesthetic cacophony the two of you are making right now? Look at this shit. The visual fields make no sense. You're like a pair of white socks in brown sandals right now. It's disgusting.

There's another way we can go with this: Frame-control. Flip the situation on its head. Make them play by your rules.

Hold on... 'Frame-control'? 'I-wanna-have-fuck-with-you' kind of frame-control?

It was sub-par delivery, not a lack of technique that failed you there. You could've still saved it, had you not failed her shit-test.

Wait, what 'shit-test'?

'What was that, that's not how woooooords are used, say it again', giggles-giggles. Classic shit-test. That was your chance to just own it.

A shit-test is something wömen give men to see how strong their frame is, how confident they are. Fail it and they'll bail for another, more dominant alpha-male. It's in their nature.

Feels like you've failed the biggest shit-test of them all...

But the lieutenant isn't going to shit-test you. You've got multiple valid options here.

It was a rough morning, let's not revisit it.

Fine, go with whatever you want. You have multiple solid options.

"Oh, I see... Look, I can wear the 'Pissfa***t' jacket if that's the problem."

"I know exactly what you're trying to do, detective, and it's not going to work."

"You said you'd wear 'Pissf****t', but you realised you're more 'Fuck-the-World'. And that's totally fine..."

"That's not what I was saying, detective."

Officer in the bag! Officer in the bag!

"It's okay, Kim. Here, you take this one. I'm the Pissf****t now."

"Damnit, detective. Give me the piss-jacket."

Now he is become the Pissft. There's no stopping you now.

"Weird, it looked so much cooler in my head."

"Alright, that was fun. But not really," he adds, slipping back into his familiar bomber. "Enough time wasted. Let's get back to work."

"Wish you could see yourself right now, Kim." (Wipe your eye.)

"The problem is..." the lieutenant says, glancing at the lapels, sleeves, and studs, "it really does look cool to have both of these jackets on right now."

I can't believe I've climbed aboard the piss-train.

"Piss and Fuck on the case, all-in, busting the bank!"

"That's what I'm afraid of," he mumbles. More to himself than anyone else. "We better solve this thing fast."

"Let's be clear about one thing. The first chance I get, this thing's coming off. And that will be it -- no take-backs, no 'follow-up conversations', that's it. Do you understand?"

He means it. The moment your jacket comes off, so does his. That means you're probably going to have to keep fucking the world till the end of days.

"Alright, Fuck," the lieutenant turns to you. "Time to solve a murder, as counter-intuitive as it might seem in these jackets. Let's go."

"You will not regret this, lieutenant!"

"You mean any more than I already am?" He looks around. "We better solve this case fast officer. I'm not 100% comfortable with this."

"The 'cool-factor' might hit me later." The lieutenant fingers the brown studded lapels. "Right now it feels like a joke gone too far."

He's looking around nervously, regrets putting the jacket on, wants to take it off.

"No-no, Kim. We just committed to the bit. We gotta stick with it for a while."

"I can't believe you talked me into this," he mumbles. "We better solve this thing fast."

"Look at us, Kim! This is how we were meant to be."

"It's not a problem. Here, I'll put on the Pissf****t jacket right now..."

"Kim, you and I -- this dynamo duo -- me in the 'Fuck the World' jacket and you in that old bomber jacket... Visually it just doesn't make sense any more."

"Detective... what are you talking about?"

Plough ahead! Don't let him slow you down.

"Fortunately for you, I'm still holding on to this sweet-as-fuck 'Pissf****t" jacket... Funny how life is sometimes..."

"Mhm. This is one of those times where you're just going to keep talking no matter what I say, isn't it?"

"Imagine two cops, who've only known each other for a few days, yet such is their devotion, their bond, that they don these two jackets -- 'Fuck the World' and 'Pissf****t'..."

"..."

"Tell me, Kim: What are the odds that after all that they fail to solve the case while wearing these two jackets?"

A long moment passes as the lieutenant considers his words.

"Never has anyone asked me to place more trust in them than you're asking of me, right now. If you saw this branch out from under me while I've got 'Pissf****t' written on my back..."

He sighs. "I'm afraid the RCM is going to have our asses for this."

"The RCM isn't gonna solve this, Kim. You and I are. Together." (Hold out the jacket.)

With a look of utter disbelief the lieutenant slips into the jacket...

"The odds are quite high," the lieutenant replies, rubbing his forehead. "It doesn't care if we're in leather jackets that say 'Fuck the World' and 'Pissf****t' on their backs..."

"The odds are very high, officer. It's situations like this that make me afraid I'll end up being the cretin-cop with 'Pissf****t' on his back..."

"Lieutenant, I'm gonna be honest for a moment: You look like shit."

"I disagree," he says with a small nod. "In fact if we were to do a poll right now, a little 'who looks like shit'-poll, I'm fairly confident you'd come out on top."

This is not how one gives speeches, milord -- why antagonise the lieutenant? Try again.

"Forget it, this was a stupid idea." (Abandon the effort.)