Conversation · Morell, the Cryptozoologist

"Oh yes, officer. Very much so. The traps are all in the reeds -- that is where we expect the phasmid to prowl."

"Cryptozoology and detective work are very similar."

"Yes, indeed! Both require a great deal of research, attention to detail, and, above all, persistence."

"How did you become a cryptozoologist?"

"It's truly not that special. What is cryptozoology anyway? A derogative. I just like puzzles, like any scientist."

"Why not just be a zoologist? Real animals are puzzling too."

"Real..." He scoffs at the concept. "I know you think one is a respectable profession while the other is superstition, everyone does!"

"Cryptozoology does seem like a lot of wishful thinking."

"My methods are the same as those of other scientists, I simply draw upon a wider variety of evidence, and I have more hope that something truly surprising might happen."

Your nerve endings tell you there is no such thing as a positive surprise.

"Life's surprises are mostly miserable."

"Agreed. Yet there is always a chance, albeit a small one, of a truly good surprise. One simply needs to look at the history of science -- serendipities abound!"

"And has anything 'truly surprising' ever happened to you?"

"I have yet to catch a cryptid, if that's what you're getting at, but I have come close."

Hmmm... interesting. Something for later. This close call.

"I don't. It's a profession, just like any other."

"Indeed. My methods do not differ from other scientists, I simply draw upon a wider variety of evidence, and I have more hope that something truly surprising might happen."

"Honestly -- being a cryptozoologist trumps most of the garbage I've seen people do."

"Hmh," a hum and a nod. "My methods do not differ from other scientists, I simply draw upon a wider variety of evidence, and I have more hope that something truly surprising might happen."

"Have you ever discovered a cryptid?"

"No. Very few cryptids are ever discovered -- and not for a lack of trying. To stay hidden is a cryptid's primary quality. It's even in the name cryptid."

"So how many cryptids have been found?"

"Of the list of cryptids kept by the Cryptozoological Society of Chemnie, which is four thousand and eighty two items long, about two thousand have been confirmed as hoaxes."

"Two are categorized as 'confirmed discoveries'. The rest are in differing stages of discovery, refutation, and data collection."

"Only two have proven to be real?"

"Yes -- the Shautauquan forest pygmy who turned out to be an extinct species of primate; and a cave salamander from Yugo-Graad, who is... honestly quite unremarkable. It's in a zoo somewhere..."

"We cryptozoologists are brutally honest with ourselves, more so even than the public. Most cryptids are hoaxes or they are never found. That does not mean we should stop searching."

"I don't even know what to say. That's a small number of discoveries."

"Do you know what the success rate in pharmacological research is? 0.000003% of bio-reactive agents have reproducibly beneficial effects. Yet science persists in the search for medicine. As we persist in our search for new species."

He has clearly done his math on this. There is no surprising him -- or swaying his opinion.

"Two out of four thousand is not even one percent!"

"In fact -- it is 0.05%. Ever more magnificent, should our search contribute to making that number 0.075%!"

(Nod approvingly.) "Then the Insulindian phasmid will be the third."

"Indeed." He does not smile, just looks you in the eye. It's a forceful gaze. "If our expedition is successful, every paper in the world will report on it. From Revachol to Doushantou -- it will be a zoological miracle."

The hair on your arms stands up... electricity. Sounds like reeds hissing.

"So you're living your childhood dream out here."

"It's not child's play just because I have to traipse through the mud every so often." His eyes narrow.

He takes the dangers and discomforts that come with his work for granted, but just imagine the unforgiving desert heat he's endured, the wetlands filled with venomous reptiles he has crossed...

I don't know how he does it. I already want a bath.

With nice bath salts, to soothe your bruised and battered soul.

I'm the most rugged of men. That sounds like my kind of fun.

You could get a heat stroke and faint and hurt your head. You could get bitten by a snake. You could get beaten up for trespassing.

Suffering will only make me stronger.

It's probably this way of thinking that got you where you are.

That's pretty much where I am right now.

It could be worse. So much worse.

Seems silly to expend so much effort on studying stuff that isn't even real.

Absolutely. You'd never do something like that to yourself, nope.

"What kinds of evidence do you use?"

"Everything from forgotten regional lore to newspaper accounts like the one that brought us here to look for the phasmid. I keep a very open mind."

He's interested in things that people believe that scientists don't.

"You think other scientists don't listen to ordinary people enough?"

"Most establishment scientists only care about reputation and remuneration, not real research, and certainly not the truth. They're a cowardly lot, and both the field and basement archives can be dangerous places."

"Thanks for explaining that. Now, about something else." (Conclude.)

"Yes?"

"I've just always liked animals, and puzzles. Searching for cryptids is a bit of both."

He seems reluctant to talk about himself, but he'll open up -- if you prod a little.

"Hello, officer! I think I almost have it! A new trap design, that is! I know you're sceptical, but I have a good feeling about this."

"Hello! Lena and I were just discussing the design of the new trap."

"Good to see you again, officer. To what do I owe the pleasure?"