Conversation · Egg Head

"Good morning, comrade! Yeaaaaaah!" He waves his hand in the air. "Harder core!" The words echo magnificently throughout the nave.

"Alright. Goodbye, Egg Head." [Leave.]

"Alright! HERE COMES THE NIGHT!"

"Are you a thought reader?"

"NO NATION, BUT TRANCE NATION! NO WAR, BUT CLASS WAR!"

"It's good you're not a communist anyway. You should be an ultraliberal."

"I can be an ultra!" He nods. "If you want that -- do you want me to be an ultra?!"

"Please don't turn him into an ultraliberal."

"Oh geez, please don't do that. There's enough exploitation in the world."

"Don't be an ultra... wait, what am I saying? Of course be an ultraliberal!"

"AIIIIIGH!!!" he yells. You guess Egg Head is an ultraliberal now.

"Be an ultraliberal, Egg Head. Capital needs your help."

"Don't be an ultraliberal. That path is too hard core."

"AIIIIIGH!!!" he yells. You guess Egg Head won't become an ultraliberal after all.

"Communists are pansies. Can't fight invaders with internationalist babble. You need the strength of a pure nation."

"I can do that!" He nods. "If you want that -- I can be a conduit for the mystical nationhood!"

"Please don't turn him into a fascist."

"Oh yeah, sure, this is exactly what we need."

"Be a fascist, Egg Head. Our future needs your help."

"AIIIIIGH!!!" he yells. You guess Egg Head is a fascist now.

"Don't be a fascist... wait, what am I saying? Of course be a fascist!"

"Don't be a fascist. That path is too hard core."

"AIIIIIGH!!!" he yells. You guess Egg Head won't become a fascist after all.

"Best not to be a communist. Having extreme views on issues is detrimental to understanding all sides."

"Oh sure, I can do that!" He nods. "If you want that -- I can avoid taking a stand!"

"Please don't turn him into a moralist."

"I don't... even know what to say to that."

"Don't be a moralist. That path requires a sensible examination of all nuances unattainable to most people."

"AIIIIIGH!!!" he yells. You guess Egg Head won't become a moralist after all.

"Don't be a moralist... wait, what am I saying? You should consider your choice carefully and rationally."

"AIIIIIGH!!!" he yells. You guess Egg Head is a moralist now.

"Be a moralist, Egg Head. The balance needs your help."

"Does that mean you're a thought reader?"

"Don't be a lunatic. Of course he isn't. Germaine here just yells random things. Odds are, sooner or later one of them will come off as thought reading."

So, it's not this one. It's the world that's the thought reader in this equation?

"Yeah! REVACHOL IMPERATIVE!"

"Unless you were thinking 'REVACHOL IMPERATIVE' right now... Anyway, I've had a similar thing happen with Egg's yelling, I know what you mean."

(Lie.) "But I was thinking 'Revachol imperative'!"

"That's fucked up, man. Lying like that. And a cop too..."

"You're right, I wasn't thinking that."

"Hard Core Superstar!"

"So it's the world that's the thought reader?"

The young man picks up a level and inspects it against the floodlight. The water sparkles in the small measuring tube. "Yes," he says after a while. "I think it's correct to say that."

THE WORLD IS A COLD SINK.

YOU ARE IN ITS ARMS.

"Tell me something else, Egg Head..."

"Yeaaargh!"

"Almost there. Could use just a bit more work..."

"The worker must MOVE YOUR ASS!"

"Superb!"

"HERE COMES THE SUN!"

You could swear you feel the bright future of the working classes reflected off Germaine Egg Head's giant smile and right onto your face! Revolution makes your toes curl in anticipation.

"No, that's still not it."

"I'm sorry."

The young man drops his oversized head in shame. He is truly sorry he couldn't come up with a proletarian yell that would satisfy The Great Leader.

"Right on, comrade luminary!"

"You're wrong. Communism doesn't rule the nation."

"You're wrong. Capital doesn't rule the nation."

"I'm sorry."

The young man drops his oversized head in shame. He is truly sorry he couldn't come up with a profitable market strategy.