Conversation · Rhetoric

Rise and shine, comrade. It's time to get to work.

What's going on?

Despite all the thinking you've been doing, only 0.0001% of communism has been built. It's too great a task to undertake alone. You're going to have to get organised.

Have you engaged the shit compressor? This task won't permit any looseness on your part, mentally or physically...

Not really my thing. [Discard thought.]

I'm ready, let's get to it.

You must seek out your revolutionary brothers and sisters. Find out how much communism they've built. Then, together, maybe you'll be able to build as much as 0.0002% of communism.

But it won't be easy. Decades of persecution by Coalition authorities have driven the remaining communists of Martinaise underground.

They live underground? These communists aren't men, they're mole people!

I don't know if I want to go searching for mole people.

They're not 'mole people', they're your comrades in the eternal class struggle. It's your task to find and join them.

But I'm part of the Coalition authorities! Have I been persecuting communists this whole time?

Possibly? If you have been, it's only because you're a double-agent, acting in furtherance of your long-term objectives.

Listen to this. Do you really think you're the kind of person an underground communist cell would entrust with a mission that requires such discretion?

Hmm, probably not.

Regardless, what's past is past. You need to look forward, to the work of building communism for all.

Maybe?

Will they help me fire up Mazov's Socialist Sausage Grinder?

Just between us, you may want to lay off this 'grind up the bourgeoisie' stuff. It's a bit off-putting, even to fellow communists.

How am I supposed to find them if they're hiding? (Proceed.)

Let your nose guide you, detective.

You must mean my knows, as in my huge and highly functioning brain.

No, we meant your nose, as in that swollen muck-detector in the centre of your face. It just happens to be perfectly calibrated for sensing communists.

We really have no idea what they're talking about. There's no linkage between ideology and olfaction.

What does communism smell like?

Failure.

There's so much failure in my life already -- I don't know if I can take any more.

That's why you're perfect for the job. No one's got a better nose for failure than you, detective.

What you're smelling is your own body odour, of course. Nothing a shower and change of clothes couldn't fix.

People sometimes complain there are no real communists left in Martinaise, but you can smell their presence. They're out there, waiting for you to join them!

Incidentally, during the waning days of the Antecentennial Revolution, a number of Revacholian communards constructed elaborate hideouts in abandoned root cellars, hollowed-out tree trunks, and even residential sewage tanks. This latter phenomenon gave rise to the early anti-communist slogan, 'The Future's Bright When You Flush Out the White!'

Okay, but what does failure smell like?

It's a smell you know all too well. Simultaneously repulsive and yet darkly appealing. Musty with a sharp tang, but also a remnant of lost sweetness. Like a rotting mango that's been swaddled in a coat from your grandfather's attic...

This sounds unfathomably stupid. I want no part of it.

It's not stupid, it's the greatest endeavour in the history of human civilisation!

Well, if you say so. Guess I've got to get organised, then.

First, you'll have to locate the remaining communists in Martinaise. When you get near to someone with revolutionary potential your nose will give you the signal to establish contact.

Again, no, it won't. Any olfactory response you perceive will be strictly psychosomatic.

Judging from the bust of Kras Mazov and other revolutionary paraphernalia you discovered, it seems that the Capeside Apartments may be a hotbed of communist activity.

You should begin by interrogating those lawless malcontents at the Dockworkers' Union. They're an obvious place to start.

On second thought, I have better things to do. [Refuse task.]

Good luck explaining that to the Tribunal of Revolutionary Retribution.

Hang on, what will I do once I establish contact with my fellow communists?

You'll discuss the monumental, world-historical task that lies before you. You'll engage in rigorous and spirited debates about Mazovian theory and practice. But mostly you'll probably complain about other communists.

Isn't that last part kind of counter-productive?

Not at all. Complaining about other communists is one of the most important parts of being a communist.

(Roll up your sleeves.) Alright, let's get to it. [Accept task.]

Here we go! 'Wake, brave worker! 'Tis no time for bed/ Fight till there's no slaves below, and no masters o'erhead.'

You could also just look for more tangible evidence of communist activity. Images of Kras Mazov and white antlers are usually a dead giveaway.

No, going around sniffing communists is definitely stupid. Forget about it. [Refuse task.]

Okay, I'm ready. Let's get organised.

My nose?

Yes, fortunately communists are known to have a very distinct smell.

Judging from the state of my ledger, I don't think that’s possible.

The condition of your paperwork is irrelevant. All that matters is your commitment to building the World Republic.

Have you seen my shit recently? I've really gotten it together.

It's good that your personal business is in order, but we're talking about political matters of world-historical import here.

Does this mean I need to clean up my hostel room?

Your level of personal upkeep is irrelevant. All that matters is your commitment to building the World Republic.

Uh oh. Organisation hasn't exactly been your strong suit, historically speaking...