Ah yes, the much maligned bean counters, ensconced in their think-tanks and highrises, believing they can save the world through a series of incremental, assiduously technocratic reforms...
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Conversation · Steban, the Student Communist
Speakers · 28
Steban, the Student Communist
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"See? You're already falling for that scarcity logic. You start off assuming there aren't enough beans to go around, so naturally you want to cut the bean rations in half..."
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"... and next thing you know there are budget cuts, so now we've got to cut the bean rations in half again..."
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- "If only! They've got all the beans accounted for in their asset sheets, their quarterly budgets, their future projections. But for some reason there are never enough beans to go around, so we've just got to cut our bean rations in half..."
- "See? You're already falling for that scarcity logic. You start off assuming there aren't enough beans to go around, so naturally you want to cut the bean rations in half..."
"You see, Econoclards claim to be communists, but in reality they're just liberals with hard-ons for spreadsheets."
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"If only! They've got all the beans accounted for in their asset sheets, their quarterly budgets, their future projections. But for some reason there are never enough beans to go around, so we've just got to cut our bean rations in half..."
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"Oh, please. There's nothing 'moderate' about their love for counting beans. If I were a Gottwaldian, I would probably diagnose them with Bohnenfixierung..."
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"That's right. Econoclards are obsessed with beans. They love thinking about beans, they love counting beans, but most of all, they love building models to predict how many beans there'll be in the future."
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"You're no Econoclard, then. They're obsessed with beans. They love thinking about beans, they love counting beans, but most of all, they love building models to predict how many beans there'll be in the future."
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"And the Gottwaldians, what's so bad about them?"
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"They're the most depressing school of communism. They love writing long books with a patina of Mazovian theory to cover up their cheap psychologising."
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"A gang of cheap psychologists and intellectual midgets." His companion sneers. "Typical Gottwalders, in other words."
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"The Gottwald School believe that intellectuals as a class are incapable of sparking revolutionary change, so all they can do is critique capitalism from inside itself."
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"That's why they spend all their time smoking cigarettes and writing long works of criticism that make you want to commit suicide."
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"It is miserable. That's probably why they're always committing suicide."
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"You see, the Gottwald School look like communists, they talk like communists, but scratch the patina and you'll see beneath that they're just depressed liberals who've read too many books."
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"Do you think all the problems in the world can be reduced to repressed sexual urges?"
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"I can tell you're a man who has his urges, but I can also tell you're no Gottwaldian." He smirks.
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"Yes, that's exactly how I would put it. And naturally we support her radical counter-liberal aesthetics."
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"That doesn't stop her from using the room for studio space, of course."
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"It sounds like Maurice objected to some aspects of infra-materialism?"
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Another sigh. “It's an unfortunate story. You see, our ex-comrade Maurice is something of an economist...”
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“Right, so a few weeks ago we were discussing the extra-physical capabilities of the revolutionary state, and Maurice said... what were his exact words, Ulixes?"
"It was unbelievable. He said, 'Turnips don't care if they're grown by communists, moralists, or welkin. They grow just the same'."
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Just a minute. Steban... Ulixes... why do those names ring the faintest of bells?
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Probably because they're the real names of 'Nasteb' and 'Exilus', the authors of that so-called essay about TipTop Tournée you read in La Fumée.
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"Basically, he was rejecting the whole foundation of infra-materialist theory."
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"I'll grant you it can be overwhelming at first, but once you understand the basics, it's all quite intuitive..."
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"For us the question boiled down to: 'If you don't even accept the basic ideas of Nilsen and infra-materialist theory, why are you in the reading group?'"
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"Exactly. What educated person could believe that turnips grow at the same rate under capitalism and communism?"
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