Conversation · Siileng

"Very sharp, officer. I'm Seraise, from the Siigay province of the Seraise Empire. The 'Apricot Suzerainty', you know?"

Apricot Suzerainty calls to mind an era when the Siigay archipelago was colonized by Revachol. It's a bit of a slur, in other words.

(Wince.) "Isn't that name kind of... insensitive?"

"Very cool," the street vendor nods, his eyebrows furrowed, "I admire your awareness of our intertwined histories. It's super nice of you to apologize for colonialism. But the Apricot Suzerainty is a shithole -- that's why I left."

"Man, this apricots business sounds complicated all of a sudden."

"Oh! Oh no! It's very simple, actually. Siigay is a shithole. Not good for independent entrepreneurs like this one here. That's why I came to Revachol."

"Speaking of, could I convince you to support an independent local entrepreneur right now?"

"Yum. Apricots are delicious."

"The Apricot Suzerainty," the lieutenant explains, "is what the Siigay archipelago is commonly known as in Revachol." He pauses. "It's a bit of a fraught term, I'm sure you understand."

"No-no, apricots come from Siigay," the vendor explains. "My grandma used to grow them. But Siigay is a shithole, that's why I came to Revachol. Here's much better for an independent entrepreneur. Less laws."

"Speaking of -- why not support an independent local entrepreneur? I send half my profits back to my grandma in Siigay."

Well. If it's for his grandma... you should buy a lot of things.

"Yes, apricots come from Siigay," the man explains. "My grandma used to grow them. But Siigay is a shithole, that's why I came to Revachol. Here's much better for an independent entrepreneur. Less laws."

"Why's it called that? Lots of apricots there?"

Persuade him to give you some money.

Start with a little compliment, then work your way up from there -- this is about business, remember.

"Hey, you seem like a really successful entrepreneur... would you like to support a member of the local police force?"

"Now we're getting somewhere," the street vendor nods. "If you'd only give me a good reason as well..."

Because you need to solve the biggest case in the history of criminal sciences.

"See this island over there?" (Point at the sea.) "I need money to fund an expedition there. It's important for the case."

"Oh... I like expeditions, and I like you. I can give you..." He counts in his head. "... 10 reál."

The lieutenant nods calmly and says: "Corruption."

It's just like bus, or seagull -- a kid watching out of a window describing things going by. He doesn't like it too much, but what do you do.

Somewhere not so distant, officer Chad Tillbrook refuses a bribe from a local hood. He doesn't know you've just made his job, and the job of all honest cops, a little bit harder.

After all this mess -- the broken seals, lying to you? C'mon!

"Think of it as an investment."

"An investment?" He raises a brow, intrigued. "What kind of investment?"

Or you could not make this about corruption and go with something even wilder.

"I'm not gonna confiscate this humanitarian aid that you're reselling."

"Hah -- that! You drive a hard bargain, officer. I respect that." He nods. "Okay, what's it going to cost me? Be reasonable..."

"Five reál."

"What, only a fiver? You can't even buy a pack of Royal Extras with that -- let's make this one stick, my friend!"

God, a pack of Royals would taste so good right now. Get you some of those tar-sticks, baby!

"Ten reál."

"Sounds like a fair deal all around." He takes a ten-note from a leather pouch.

"One million reál."

"Officer, do I look like a drug lord? I don't have that kinda money. Be reasonable here."

"I'm not going tell HUMANOX about the little side business you've got here."

"It's an investment in your customer base. Gotta prime the pump, man!"

"Fair point," he agrees, "You can't have a successful business without a loyal customer base. How much is your loyalty worth?"

"Ten reál."

"Ten reál is a bargain for that kind of investment! You got it, my man." He takes a ten-note from a leather pouch.

"Five reál."

"What, only a fiver? You can't even buy a pack of Royal Extras with that -- let's make this one stick, my man."

God, a pack of Royals would taste so good right now. Get you some of those tar-sticks, baby!

"One million reál."

"But officer, I don't have that kind of money. There's got to be a more modest investment."

"A guy told me I need money to live, otherwise it's game over -- and I don't want to die."

A bold move! Let's see if it pays off.

"I... officer," he nods. He is genuinely perplexed.

"I don't even want happiness, or un-unhappiness -- I just don't want to die."

Tugging at his heart strings like that... doesn't it feel a bit manipulative?

It feels great.

"Okay, officer," he finally says, "I can't leave a man in need like that. How much do you need?"

"One million reál."

"Officer, do I look like I have that kinda money? Be reasonable."

"Five reál."

"What, only a fiver? You can't even buy a pack of Royal Extras with that -- let's make this one stick, my man."

God, a pack of Royals would taste so good right now. Get you some of those tar-sticks, baby!

"Ten reál."