Conversation · Gary, the Cryptofascist

"Yes! Our lucky racist."

"Are you, Gary? Are you a racist?"

"Will you grant us three wishes, Gary?"

"He is nothing compared to Measurehead."

"I don't know who that is..." He blushes. "But all I meant was there are not many Seolites around here."

Deep satisfying rumble runs through your small intestine. It feels affirming.

"I think so. Sorry, as you know, I've been having problems with my memory..."

"At any rate," he gestures toward Gary as though he were presenting a work of art, "this is that racist."

"You said 'Revakhol'?"

"I like to pronounce it the hard way. The old way. The Vespertine way." He nods solemnly.

The stupid way?

He winks at you, trying to relay some hidden message. Inviting you to mispronounce it too perhaps? It's odd.

It's a secret rite. A very fringe-nationalist handshake, probably.

Garbage. You're a true patriot and you know how it's said. The Suresne way. The fine way. With an elegant shhh...

But still... he's definitely one of us. Longs for the Old Days - the Old Ways. He's likely to know how to turn back time. Ask him!

"Are you a cryptozoologist too?"

"No-no... I help Morell with research sometimes and I've learned some things along the way. But I don't usually go in for picnics like this on my own."

After all this time with Morell, he must have an opinion on cryptids -- this could lead to a good one.

"I'm into cryptids. Do you have a favourite?"

"Oh, yes! The Burning Rhino. Morell doubts he's real, but I don't much care -- because I won't be the one looking for him out in Safre Serai."

"What's a Burning Rhino?"

"A rhinoceros that looks ordinary during the day, but burns brightly by night. Well, at least the males do."

"How do they burn?"

"They have special ducts just above their shoulder blades that secrete a combustible fluid. When the rhino is just beginning to light itself, it looks as though it has wings of fire."

But how is this combustible fluid lit?

Never mind.

"Mhm, I imagine it's quite a sight," the man crosses his arms confidently.

"How does the lighting of this... fluid actually work?"

"The rhino starts running very fast to build heat, then stops, raises its head -- and sparks fly from its neck, setting its back ablaze."

"I can buy into that. A flaming rhino."

"Revachol used to be flaming rhino once, a long time ago..." he says and then pauses, thoughtfully.

"I want to be just like that rhino, running through the night with guns blazing!"

"We don't really do that around here."

"Perhaps we should have more such decisive action in Revachol. You know -- this city used to be flaming rhino once, a long time ago..." he says and then pauses, thoughtfully.

"This seems unlikely."

"Yeah, well -- Revachol used to be flaming rhino once, a long time ago..." he says and then pauses, thoughtfully. "That seems unlikely too, doesn't it?"

Super solid argument, Gary. Can't argue with that.

"Why only the males?"

"The flames are not just for decoration. They are an integral part of the beast's mating behaviour."

"How so?"

"During the Burning Rhino's mating season, herds of male rhinos, all aflame, encircle herds of female rhinos, forming a fiery ring as they begin to copulate, loudly."

"Local peasants call it the Passion Ring. They fear the rhinos. As, perhaps, they should. Anyway..."

The lieutenant sighs without looking up from his notes.

It's clear the burning rhino is dear to him on many levels. Some even spiritual.

"What do you do, then? If not cryptozoology?"

"Oh, this and that." He grins.

"Sounds intriguing."

"Sometimes."

See? He's being evasive. Shake him up, show him who's boss.

Let it go.

"Okay, I work as a special courier." He smiles. "You know, urgent deliveries, overnight deliveries, deliveries to out-of-the-way locations."

"Fascinating. Let's talk about something else."

"Yes, officer?"

"So you deliver things. What kinds of things?"

"Oh, I don't know the contents, officer. Part of my job is discretion."

He's trying too hard to seem untroubled by your question. The rigidity in his posture gives him away.

"Do you deliver drugs?"

"No, no, that's far too dangerous. Besides, dealing drugs isn't for people like me and you, officer."

"Do you deliver guns?"

"No, nothing like that. I leave that to companies with hundreds of years of tradition in arms manufacturing. No need for an amateur like me cutting in."