Conversation · Sylvie

"Why do I always end up screwing everything up?"

"It was a pretty bird, there since I started working in the Whirling. I really liked her. We called her Scotty..."

There's genuine sadness in her voice.

No. She doesn't have a problem with you. It must be someone else she's angry about. Some other guy... like Garte.

Uh, okay... but I'm a guy. Sure it isn't about me?

Trust me, you wouldn't want to be the guy here. You know how it is. Yack yack nag nag.

No, you're The Guy -- you're Lieutenant Love, matchmaker extraordinaire! Help the poor girl out, lest she turns into a spinster!

Khm... Correction: Lieutenant Double-Yefreitor Love.

Yeah. She's a woman. Probably just playing hardball with the goods. Women are just transactional.

Oh yeah. My point exactly. You know how they are -- transactional and hysteric. Loony broads.

You know what you've got to do. First you've got to calm her down, tell her you've got everything under control -- then go and have a little boys' talk with Garte himself.

Think you can do that, Lieutenant Love?

Whatever this Empathy failure tells you -- don't take the quest. It's not wonderful, it's ugly.

"Daddy is going to take you on his lap, little darling."

"..."

"Call was terminated by the other party. Anything else, officer?"

It's on. The Love Quest is on -- too late everyone! It's on. Take it to Garte now!

"Khm..." (To the microphone.) "Are you still there, kiddo? Listen... I've got everything under control."

"No. What?"

"You and Garte, right? A little trouble under the sheets? Say no more, papa's got this. Big Poppa."

God -- what is happening in your HEAD?!

Big Big Poppa is happening.

"Oh god." The static appears to breathe heavily. "Please just stay out of my li..."

"I've got a hunch your love life is about to take a very pleasant turn." (Give the lieutenant a knowing wink.)

"What?" The lieutenant raises his shoulders. "What is it?"

"You'll see, lieutenant. You will see." (Wink again.)

"I got a hunch your love life is about to take a very pleasant turn."

"I know, baby, I know. It's just that you've got that sweet woman-child thing that makes men go crazy. Especially a man like Garte."

Please no. I don't want to say any of those things. (Refuse the Love Quest -- although it's wonderful.)

You're just a gimp. What, you want to be more empathetic?

Nothing's wrong, it's just sssssexuality.

"Call was terminated by the other party. Anything else, officer?"

I'm happy to help, but maybe I could do so without all this internalized misogyny?

What misogyny? I'm just telling things the way they are. Can't a man be honest in his own head anymore?

You have to act, Lieutenant Love. You have to calm that hysteric down, tell it you've got everything under control -- then go and have a little boys' talk with Garte himself.

Oh my god, not a spinster!

Not a spinster, my god!

You have to intervene on behalf of Love! First calm her down, tell her you've got everything under control -- and then go have a boys' talk with Garte himself.

Stop! That's Lieutenant Double-Yefreitor Love for you.

Of course. So much more love. But now -- react!

What am I, deranged? A woman doesn't have to be married. She doesn't even have to be in a relationship. Also, feminism.

What deranged? I'm just telling things the way they are. Can't a man even be honest in his own head anymore?

You have to act, Lieutenant Love. You have to calm that hysteric girl down, tell her you've got everything under control -- and then go and have a little boys' talk with the man himself.

Yeah, it's definitely some other guy, a guy like Garte.

You know women and their constant problems. Yack yack nag nag. How's one supposed to get the love going like that?

That's where you step in. You're Lieutenant Love, matchmaker extraordinaire! Help the poor girl out, lest she turns into a spinster.

"Bye, Sylvie."

"Have you seen my badge?"

"Yes, I know who you are. You're a police officer... the law."

Yeah, I think she got it. Good job!

"Wait, how did you first learn I'm a police officer?"

"You told me back in the Whirling... you told everybody. And showed us your badge... I don't need to hear about it anymore."

"My badge is missing. Have you seen it anywhere?"

The lieutenant goes pale. 'Missing badge?' he mouths to himself, silently.

"Oh... no, I haven't, sorry."

Real policemen have uniforms too, by the way. Where's yours?

Kim doesn't have a uniform and he seems real to me.

He's in plainclothes. Voluntarily. It's different from not knowing where your uniform is.

There are officers who wear the signature Perseus Black uniforms to the highest ranks in the RCM and end up buried in them as well -- others do it more casually. Looks like you're one of them.

Not my uniform too! God, I should really look into that.