Conversation · Joyce Messier

You could be wrong -- but from here it appears as if she's running the brush across her throat, in a sawing motion.

"Wonderful."

"Splat-splat!" From a dilapidated balcony, a young girl in odd clothes gives Joyce the evil eye, a red paintbrush held to her throat...

"Keep guessing."

"Some sort of... krill hunter? No, wait..." Joyce raises her eyebrows. "You're an ancient ruin, a symbol of hubris and decay, half-submerged in some salty sea."

"What -- really?"

"Are you saying I'm ruined?"

All right. You're in. Begin with the first one -- you'll appear worldly.

She's trying to see whether you're bluffing -- it's easy not to fidget. You're not.

This person is not easily disoriented, but you've done it.

"No. You're not joking at all, are you?" She sighs. "Well, ask away, officer -- I'll help however I can."

"I woke up in a trashed hotel room, superstar-style. Before that everything's a blank."

"A supra-natural event took place." (Point to your head.) "Within my head -- on alcohol."

"Please don't make me say it again."

"No time to explain -- just give me the low-down."

"No, but... please. A little context. We're not in such a hurry."

We have time for you to tell me why you need a reality lowdown.

"By learning about the world I hope to learn more about myself."

"A sort of... spiritual quest? Something of ancient Iilmaraan origin?" There's more than a trace of irony in her voice.

"Yes, a spirit quest sounds like the thing I'm on."

"You will find him a big fan of the ancient ways -- it's part of his condition."

"Nothing wrong with ancient ways," she says. "Our modern ones aren't necessarily better. Ask away, officer -- I'll help however I can."

"Well then. Reality is a strange place -- getting stranger by the day. Ask away, officer. I'll help however I can."

"Actually... that is not why I need a low-down."

She nods, attentively.

"Yes." The lieutenant takes a step closer to you. "Why don't you tell Mrs. Messier what you told me, hm?"

He gives you a slight nudge on your side, apparently enjoying himself.

"Yes!" The lieutenant takes a step closer to you, rubbing his hands together. "There is a stranger reason, isn't there?"

"None of that foreign wisdom. I only seek deep, ancient PATRIOTIC truths."

"You will find he doesn't approve of foreign wisdom. It's part of his condition."

"I've never heard of a nationalistic medical condition, but then reality is a strange place. Ask away, officer -- I'll help however I can."

"Forget the past, my quest concerns the coming apocalypse."

"You will find that most things concern the coming apocalypse. It's part of his condition."

"I've never heard of an apocalyptic medical condition, but then reality is a strange place. Ask away, officer -- I'll help however I can."

"It's related to that medical episode -- I have trouble remembering even the most basic terms of reality."

"Ah, yes -- the episode. Sounds like an acute case of encephalopathy now that I think of it..." She puts down her thermal cup and looks at you.

"Don't be fazed, madam. He functions perfectly well. He only needs a... lowdown on all of reality."

"We may be here awhile, then." She takes a long sip of tea. "Ask away, officer -- I'll help however I can."

Trying to gauge by your expression and demeanour whether you're joking. She concludes you're not.

"But then, I'm no doctor." She takes a long sip of tea. "Ask away, officer -- I'll help however I can."

"I am conducting a personal investigation into the world I find myself in."

"How truly curious -- a sort of philosopher-detective!"

Aren't all...

"Aren't all philosophers detectives?"

"Yes, all of them."

"Except the ones who are philosophers."

"Actually," she turns to the lieutenant, "I've heard the analogy made by a blindingly modern school of philosophy called karperie. It may not be as far fetched as it sounds."

"I hope my inquiry into the nature of reality will ultimately converge with our murder investigation. They are two halves of the same case."

"Are they now?" The lieutenant cocks one eyebrow.

"A deep synthesis," she nods. "I'll assist you however I can then. Go ahead. Ask."

"Actually.... that's not why I need you to give me the low-down."

"Oh?" You've really piqued her curiosity now. "Then why?"

"Yes." The lieutenant takes a step closer to you. "Why don't you tell Mrs. Messier what you told me, hmh?"

A wink. There is a mischievous streak to him egging you on. This might go beyond mere strategy.

"Yes!" The lieutenant takes a step closer to you, rubbing his hands together. "There is a stranger reason, isn't there?"

"Why not?" She tosses her head. "I've heard the analogy made by a blindingly modern school of philosophy called karperie. It may not be as far fetched as it sounds."

"And aren't all detectives philosophers?"

"Naturally," he nods.

"Except the ones who are detectives."

"There may be some detectives who are not philosophers."