Conversation · Ancient Reptilian Brain

There is nothing. Only warm, primordial blackness. Your conscience ferments in it -- no larger than a single grain of malt. You don't have to do anything anymore.

Ever.

Never ever.

(Simply keep on non-existing.)

An inordinate amount of time passes. It is utterly void of struggle. No ex-wives are contained within it.

This is great!

Yes. It. Is.

What was that about the ex- something?

An awareness creeps up on you. A mass lies hidden in your dead angle, soaking in some lurid, acidic sauce. It's bloated and shameful, a ball of meat surrounding you... This is a terrible line of questioning, and it will only lead to more awareness of the meat-thing.

No, I wanted to know about the ex-something.

Ex-love, ex-tenderness. It is foolish of you to resurface to the loss. Not after all the damage you suffered to get here, some of it irreversible... Stay, sail with me through the Abyssopelagic Zone!

Allons-y! Never let me go!

All right. Nothingtown to Fuck-All-Borough!

Look, there's I Am Tired of Being This Type of Animal and Who-Gives-a-Shit!

Not you! Your days of giving a shit and being that type of animal are over.

Wait, no! I need to belittle myself instead.

Do you really?

Don't be naive, of course not. I want to sail the inky blackness until forever ends!

The song of death is sweet and endless... But what is this? Somewhere in the sore, bloated man-meat around you -- a sensation!

Like a fly to the ointment, your conscience sticks to it. The limbed and headed machine of pain and undignified suffering is firing up again. It wants to walk the desert. Hurting. Longing. Dancing to disco music.

You can take it, you're a Champion!

Stop! I don't want to hear anything more about this sensation. Take me back to the formless, disembodied nothing!

The stench of liquor rises from your mouth. And with it -- an un-godly headache.

Who am I? What sort of creature does this to their own mouth?!

A fiery streak penetrates your skull, trying to force your eyes open. It's a sound. A clarion call from hell.

Somehow you know what it is -- a Coupris Kineema motor carriage.

[Open your eyes.]

Help! Someone! Cut my head off, it's trying to murder the rest of me!

Okay, I'm a bit scared now. Let's go back to the dark.

No, I am not scared, I am a Champion!

Mother, help me, there's a head attached to my neck and I'm in it.

I do. Let me off.

You wouldn't like it if I told you what's back there. Why do you think you had to bludgeon yourself into oblivion? Or did you not sense yourself -- marinating? Poured so much over yourself... Got a bit carried away did we, chef?

Fear and apprehension... You should ask what's out there first.

Tell me, what's waiting for me?

There's this giant ball there. And evil apes. And the evil apes are dukin' it out on the ball. You're one of them. It's basically all just evil apes dukin' it out on a giant ball.

How big is the ball?

You can't even make out it's a ball, when you're dukin' it out. It's that large.

And this dukin' it out I keep hearing about - what's that?

Vying for resources? It's just a stupid expression you picked up somewhere. The part of the presentation you want to take home with you is this: you have to beat the other evil apes in the face or you lose.

That sounds like something I would like to do -- let's go!

Somewhere in the sore, bloated man-meat around you -- a sensation!

That's sad.

Yes, it is. And you drowned in that sadness a long time ago.

What do you mean drowned?

You lost.

The sound outside -- you recognize it. It's a Coupris Kineema motor carriage.

How small are the apes?

Infinitesimally small.

I don't care, I'm an idiot. A brave idiot.

Wait, I did this to myself?

Yes, you're one disco mother.

Don't stop, keep singing. Sing me the song of death.

A return trip to The Silence please!

Do you want me to upgrade that into a one way trip, sir?

Let's visit the ancient Zero-Holm!

Great choice, elder one. It has always been like this -- and it always will.

No, I want to get off now. I like pain and burning light and wanting things from people who don't want to give them to me.

(Plunge back into the fathomless deep.)

There. No ball of meat, no light in the formless nothing. Just nightswimming!