Conversation · Rack of Second-Hand Uniforms

What a shirt. All other shirts pale in comparison to the muscular man with antlers and immense zweihänders.

"How much are you selling this T-shirt for?"

"Two reál."

The lieutenant raises his eyebrows. "That's dirt cheap."

"Cool, I'll think about it."

He inclines his head. "You should."

"Sounds like a good deal, although I wouldn't really know."

"Oh, it is."

"Couldn't you just give it to me for free then?"

He frowns. "But... why?"

"Perhaps I could repay you in some other way?"

"I deal in goods, not services."

"The Man from Hjelmdall is a superstar, I'm a superstar -- it would be perfect!"

He thinks about it. "I suppose that makes sense, yes. Please, go ahead and take it -- Welcome to Hjelmdall."

"You said everything's going to be over soon anyway, man. I just want to walk into the end times wearing this t-shirt."

"Interesting choice. But sure, why not -- take it. Welcome to Hjelmdall."

"I guess I can't really think of any good reason."

"You'll just have to buy it, then," he replies with a dry smile. "But it's not like it's expensive."

"Because I'm a broke cop without a cent to my name."

"I sympathize, I do, but this is a for-profit enterprise."

"That's unusually cheap, isn't it?"

"It should belong to anyone who is ready to wear it."

That's very cheap for a printed t-shirt that's still in pretty good shape.

"Okay, I've thought it over and I want to buy the T-shirt."

"Welcome to Hjelmdall, officer."

"This shirt celebrates a false hero, a guardian of the masculine order."

He drums his fingers on the counter. "I doubt the real Man from Hjelmdall was as poor a role model as the one in the popular literature."

"But, yes, the books are very sexist. In a not-entirely-unenjoyable way."

"What's the deal with the man on this t-shirt?"

"It's the Man from Hjelmdall."

"Walking away from his burning village, yes."

Their matter-of-fact tone belies their surprise at the fact that you didn't recognize the figure in the print.

Lie, sire. For no reason.

(Lie) "I was a very sheltered child -- my parents only let me read boring books about ordinary people, and the Man from Hjelmdall looks extraordinary."

"That's very sad, man. Then you missed out on some pretty well executed, albeit repetitive adventure literature."

"The Man from Hjelmdall is the hero of a series of popular books based on a fictional version of Katla, mostly what is nowadays Arda NFD."

"In fact..." He leans in. "Most people don't think that the Man from Hjelmdall ever really existed, but they are wrong."

The lieutenant raises a brow. "Hjelmdall isn't a real place."

"Neither is the Man a real man, of course, but both the Man and Hjelmdall are an ontological necessity..." He stops abruptly. "But, hey, it's not worth getting into an argument about."

Wow, what?

"He left his native village of Hjelmdall after his son was kidnapped, having many exciting adventures and killing many enemies with his swords, but he lost his family in the process. Tragic stuff, really."

"Remind me, who's the Man from Hjelmdall again?"

"He's a music-based superstar, right?"

"Hmm, I think you might be thinking about someone else I... dislike music," he frowns. "So I couldn't tell you who."

"I'm guessing I'm supposed to know who this Man from Hjelmdall is, but I lost my memory recently and need help remembering basic facts about reality."

"Huh?"

"I said I lost my memory recently and need help remembering basic facts about reality."

"Oh... I see. That's tough, man, I feel the same way sometimes. The Man from Hjelmdall is the hero of a series of popular books based on a fictional version of Katla."

"Never mind. Tell me more about this Man from Hjelmdall."

"That's the Man from Hjelmdall walking away as his village burns."

He's surprised at your non-recognition.

"What did you mean the Man from Hjelmdall was real?"

"I mean -- even if the Man from Hjelmdall didn't exist before the adventure novels, the stories have made it so that he has. It's simple really."

"Okay..." He sounds incredulous.

"You sound sceptical. It's not that complicated. All that's required is a more robust understanding of cause and effect."

"Besides, I've been to Katla, though not quite as far north as the Hjelmdall, and watched the northern lights travel across the sky. Very unique energetic tides there."

It's for the best, because Hjelmdall is not a real place. And thus he could not have gone there.

His theory isn't exactly incoherent, but its logic does suggest some unusual neural activity. Interesting...

Very, very unique energies indeed. Geomagnetic ley lines, one might even say.

Stop talking about this nerd stuff. It will make you weedy.