Conversation · Kim Kitsuragi

"AND THE WOMEN. WOMEN WHO SHAVE AND ARE CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING CONCEPTS LIKE POLYAMORY AND COITUS CASUALIS -- THE KOJKO AND THEIR PROMISCUITY ARE AT THE FOREFRONT OF ALL THAT."

Novel techniques? Your techniques were probably last novel during the Franconigerian times. You need those techniques, bratan -- to survive!

Who cares about sexual partners and their promiscuity when you've got the fate and honour of Revachol on your shoulders?

But promisssscuity leads to dddrama!

Sounds fun -- it's high time you incorporated some of these things into your daily life.

Hmm, so maybe that's what's up between him and the Kojkas...

"I don't think anyone's being promiscuous with me. I wish they were, though."

"DESPERATION. WISHFUL THINKING. CONFUSION. NO WOMAN WANTS TO CREATE A LASTING PSYCHOSEXUAL BOND WITH A MAN IN THRALL TO HIS BIOLOGICAL IMPULSES."

"YOU HAVE TO SHED THIS INFANTILE SHELL IF YOU EVER WISH TO FIND A WORTHY MATE."

Everything's revolving around women and sex with this guy... What's that about?

"Hold on, what are these novel techniques you mentioned?"

"YOU'RE ASKING ME TO SHARE THE SACRED TECHNIQUES THAT I'VE GATHERED AND INTERNALIZED ON MY LIFE'S JOURNEY? WITH YOU, A STRANGER?"

Watch out! He's getting defensive.

"No, of course not -- I was just testing you."

"DO NOT THINK THE SERENITY OF MY MOTHER'S OFFICE MAKES ME FORGET WE ARE BIOLOGICAL COMPETITORS -- ALBEIT UNEVENLY MATCHED."

"YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO GET THE COALITION TO SIGN OVER THEIR WARSHIPS, THAN GET THESE... WEAPONS OF PLEASURE AND CONTROL OUT OF ME."

"THIS KNOWLEDGE NEVER PASSES FROM A MAN TO ANOTHER MAN. NOT EVEN FROM A FATHER TO HIS SON. THIS PATH IS TO BE TAKEN IN ABSOLUTE SOLITUDE."

He's flexing as he says these last words -- it seems to be involuntary.

"Maybe just one or two?"

"Yes, please."

No! No. No-no-no-no. NO! You're not. You are not fishing for his sacred techniques -- they're not worth dying over!

"Promiscuity -- you mean the cock carousel." (Twirl your hand around in the air.)

"YOU USE VULGAR HUMOUR TO DISTRACT YOURSELF FROM THE PAIN THAT WOMEN HAVE CAUSED YOU. IMPOTENT RAGE AT THEIR PROMISCUITY WILL NOT HEAL YOU. AND IT REPELS WOMEN."

"The goal of any sane relationship is loyalty, marriage, eternal love. Anything else is just vapid pleasure-seeking."

"IT DOES NOT SURPRISE ME THAT THE COMPLEXITIES OF THE PSYCHOSEXUAL BOND BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN REMAIN BEYOND YOUR REACH. INSTEAD YOU CONTINUE TO IDEALISE THE FLAWED AND HALLUCINATORY RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOUR PARENTS, HOPING TO CORRECT THEIR MISTAKES."

"I don't actually care about any of that, I'm just here for Revachol."

"CONTINUOUS DENIAL. YOUR LACK OF PSYCHOSEXUAL SELF-AWARENESS DOES NOT SURPRISE ME. SOMETHING TRAGIC MUST HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU IN THE PAST FOR YOU TO DENY IT SO VIGOROUSLY."

You really have to find out at some point what's up with him and the Kojkas...

"You seem comfortable here. Do you like this place?"

"YES. I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED THIS PLACE. IT IS MY FAVOURITE. WHEN I WAS A KID I USED TO COME HERE AND WAIT FOR MY MOTHER TO FINISH HER WORK."

"GREAT TIMES WERE HAD HERE, FILLING IN THE GREAT COLOURING BOOK OF THE SEMENINE FLORA AND FAUNA. THE CARRION FLOWERS AND THE MONOTREMES. THE MANGROVE FORESTS AND THE MEGABATS."

"AND THE COUCH. THE COUCH IS VERY COMFORTABLE, EVEN THOUGH IT IS VERY SMALL. THERE IS NO COUCH LIKE THIS ONE."

The couch does look very cosy, he's right about that.

"You're very focused on women and sex."

"WE ARE LIFE. LIFE IS SEXUALITY. SEXUALITY IN COMPETITION WITH SEXUALITY -- THE SEXUALITY OF OTHER ORGANISMS. THE POINT OF ANY COMPETITION IS TO WIN."

"Win what exactly?"

"THE FUTURE." He lets it set in for a while.

"IN A BIOLOGICAL SENSE, THE MAN WHOSE ESSENCE, WHOSE GENETIC BLUEPRINT, IS PASSED ON TO THE MOST HOSTS, DOWN TO THE MOST GENERATIONS, FULFILS HIS BIOLOGICAL PURPOSE TO THE GREATEST EXTENT. THIS IS THE LOVE VICTORY."

What about the Semen Retention Society?

He's right -- everything's a contest and only the shiftiest competitors win.

"Sex is about cooperation. It doesn't matter how many partners you've had."

"SPOKEN LIKE A MAN DEFEATED BY LOVE. UNABLE TO FACE THE HARSH REALITIES OF NATURE. WE ARE SKY, BUTTERFLIES, RHODODENDRONS, RHINOS. NATURE AGAINST NATURE. LOVE TAKES COURAGE. COURAGE TO FIGHT."

"THIS DEFEATIST TALK OF COOPERATION IS WHY YOU HAVE NO FUTURE. IT IS ALSO WHY YOU HAVE NO LOVE."

That's not true. You have the love of your mother... or do you?

Maybe even the love of your friends and colleagues?

Who needs love if you can wield fear.

You have cold hard facts to protect you from heartbreak -- and that is enough.

You've definitely lost the love of your colleagues.

"Wait, what about your Semen Club?"

"SEMEN RETENTION SOCIETY," he corrects you. "I TOLD YOU, THIS IS A SIMPLIFICATION. CLIMAX IS NOT REQUIRED FOR VICTORY. IN FACT IT IS DISCOURAGED. A TRUE MAN RETAINS HIS ESSENCE."

"IT IS FAR MORE MASCULINE TO PASS ON A BLUEPRINT OF YOUR MIND AND YOUR SPIRIT THAN YOUR FLESH. WOMEN GIVE BIRTH TO FLESH AND MEN GIVE BIRTH TO SPIRIT. SPIRIT IS IMMORTAL."

He has a point. While an idea is born potentially immortal, flesh is always doomed to die.

Spirit is housed in flesh. No one cares about your fancy 'ideas' if you're getting beaten up behind a bar.

"There is a competitive element to sex, I agree."

"YOUR AGREEMENT MEANS NOTHING TO ME. YOU'RE A MAN DEFEATED BY LOVE. IT IS PLAIN TO SEE. IT IS IN YOUR FACE, IN YOUR VOICE, IN YOUR HEART. LOVE TAKES COURAGE -- YOU DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH."

"YOU HAD A LITTLE. TOO LITTLE. THAT IS WHY WE ARE IN MY MOTHER'S OFFICE. YOU HAVE COME TO ME, SEEKING WISDOM IN THE SEXUAL ARTS. DO NOT WASTE THIS OPPORTUNITY ON SYCOPHANTIC PERSONALITY MIRRORING."

Ouch...

"IT WILL SERVE YOU POORLY IN THE GREAT WAR OF LOVE."

"About knocking you out earlier..."

"DON'T APOLOGISE. MY WOMEN LIKED IT. IT IS IMPORTANT TO APPEAR VULNERABLE SOMETIMES. VULNERABILITY NURTURES EMOTIONAL CONTACT."