Conversation · Lena, the Cryptozoologist's wife

A waste of time?

A dream?

A lie?

A fool's hope -- say her lips moving in silence.

Like that, she drives off. The gas engine putters quietly, as she gets to the doors -- then pushes them open. Outside the cold coastal wind blows.

"We should go too."

Somewhere out there -- a kilometre to the southeast -- a gust of wind shakes the Feld building, rattling dusty windows, beckoning with strange coldness. To ask the wind once more.

"Can I have your address? Just in case there's news."

"Okay, it's 1113 Tabernacle Road. Jamrock, but..."

A sigh. She doesn't think you'll need it.

"It's been a pleasure, ma'am." (Conclude.)

"Likewise, sweetie." She flicks a switch on her chair and the engine turns on with a whir. "Thank you for everything. Truly. Even though it turned out to be a..." The sentence remains unfinished.

"Be careful out there, Lena." (Conclude.)

"You too, sweetie." She flicks a switch and the engine on her chair turns on with a whir. "Thank you for everything. Truly. Even though it turned out to be a..." The sentence remains unfinished.

"Are you sure you don't need help getting to Gary's?"

"Oh no. Thank you, but I can get there on my own, this old thing is gas-powered." She taps her chair. "And then a taxi home. It's not so bad."

"To hell with this. I still believe you saw the phasmid."

"A true believer," she looks out the window. "Sometimes I still see it, too. The real memory of it. How it was there... Not the memory of the memory. But it's so hard to tell the two apart..."

Rising, unfolding from the reeds on a hot summer's day... like a benevolent god.

"Either way, I should go. Poor Morell is running a fever and I need to get him home to Jamrock. Before we overstay our welcome with Gary."

"Thing is, you're not sure you made it up either."

"I'm not sure of anything." She looks out the window. "Sometimes I still see it, you know. The real memory. Not the memory of the memory, but it's so hard to tell the two apart..."

"Okay, it's a false memory. Doesn't mean all cryptids aren't real. Chase another one."

"Of course not -- I didn't mean to say my situation discredits the field. There have been some confirmed discoveries. And a lot of hoaxes too, but still..." She looks to the door.

First, tell her that her marriage hasn't been a lie.

An acorn is not the same as the tree. That requires time, diligence, and care...

"Wrong or not, your relationship with Morell isn't just about the phasmid."

"But it is. We've spent years searching for the phasmid, hunting it together. Without it, what are we? Just another pathetic old couple..."

"If I hadn't led him down this path he could have a steady job lecturing at a university."

You know, this reminds you of the Perikarnassian Theory of Love. In essence, love is a relay -- out of death. Generation by generation, our love remains in our progeny. Lay some of that on her!

"You know, the Perikarnassians theorized that love was the key to immortality..."

"Oh, sweetie. I don't think the Perikarnassians were thinking of people in my situation." She looks down at her legs...

"I was a paraplegic before we met. He didn't know before I arrived... on our first date. If I weren't the Queen of the Cryptozoologists... If I didn't tell him that story..."

She has to swallow to relax her throat. It's keeping her from talking.

"Wow, love is hard."

"It's not easy..." She sighs. "I've wasted enough of your time with this drama. I really must stop talking about it, lest I start crying and waste more of your time."

"What you have to know is, the Insulindian phasmid probably does not exist. Let us fools chase our ghosts. There are a million better things to do with your life."

Are there? Some of the other things are pretty bad.

"My point is, the Insulindian phasmid probably does not exist. And you were right to put your bug-chasing days behind you."

"He'd still be into you. That's not how these things work."

"Maybe. But then why do I not dare tell him?" She sighs. "I've wasted enough of your time with this drama. I really must stop talking about it, lest I start crying and waste more of your time."

"Now I understand why you haven't told him about your doubts."

She sighs. "I've wasted enough of your time with this drama. I really must stop talking about it, lest I start crying and waste more of your time."

Say nothing.

She sighs. "I've wasted enough of your time with this drama. I really must go before I start crying and waste more of it."

"Normally when I think about stuff like women and marriage, I feel bad. When I think about you and Morell I feel okay. That counts for something, no?"

"Oh, of course it counts for something. But we've had our hard times too..." She looks down at her legs...

"Morell hated lecturing. You convinced him to do something real in this world."

"But if the dream comes to naught, what good is it? No, the thing is..." She looks down at her legs...

And? I need something good here.

All qualities these two seem to share in abundance.

But it has, hasn't it? A seed can only bear what's inside it. The seed of love is black and oily.

It has a taste you're quite familiar with.

"Lying has gotten you this far, why stop now?"

"You might be right, detective..." She looks down at her legs...

"I was a paraplegic before we met. He didn't know before I came in, on our first date. If I weren't the Queen of the Cryptozoologists... If I didn't tell him that story..."

She has to swallow to relax her throat. It's keeping her from talking.

"Are you saying you made it up?"

"No! At least... I don't think I did. But Morell was so eager to believe my story was evidence of the phasmid's existence..."

"So you haven't seen it? I should arrest you for lying."