Conversation · Feld Ladder

The rusty ladder leads to the rooftop.

Assess the situation.

The distances between the remaining rungs are rather wide. You'd have to use the mounting brackets. However, they seem corroded and the peeling rust is razor-sharp.

In addition, the first rung is going to be tough to reach. It's, what, three metres above ground, and you're -- 180...?

One-eighty seems about right.

Not to mention that the roof is collapsing and the wind gets pretty brutal up there. Dismounting from the ladder is going to be hard. Perhaps if you were to... not climb the ladder? Instead...

What if you were to do something more subtle?

What if you were to re-conceptualize climbing the ladder?

Yes -- climbing it would be too expensive. The animations your body needs to make, interacting with the ladder, are beyond your capabilities at this moment in your career.

ASTRAL PROJECTION! Be open-minded about this.

Yeah... Because falling from that height seems, well -- SPLAT! So don't do that. Just, you know...

One-ninety. I'm a giant.

Okay. But, still -- the roof is collapsing and the wind gets pretty brutal up there. Dismounting from the ladder is going to be hard. Perhaps if you were to... not climb the ladder? Instead...

You're not ready to do this yet. [Leave.]

Teleport to the roof.

All you need to do is close your eyes and concentrate. Darkness enfolds you. You can feel the distance between the bench and the first rung of the ladder. All you need to is...

Do it.

ZOOT! ZAP! POW! CRINKLE! It's like magic, you feel yourself disappear, your atoms fading out of existence...

"Oh my god! I can't believe it!"

BAM! You find yourself on the roof... having mastered the art of physical displacement.

"I did it, Kim! I teleported!"

"I just saw you climb the ladder," the lieutenant shouts from below. "You just climbed it, like a regular person."

No -- not like a regular person. Like a phase spider.

The wind at the top of the building starts howling loudly, blowing away the lieutenant's voice... faintly you hear...

"Never mind... find a way to let me in when you get inside! Don't go adventuring without backup, especially if we think the suspect may be hiding here."

Don't gloat. Just stand there like a Samaran master.

"You know, for the record, you didn't teleport there. You just climbed the ladder with your eyes closed..."

"Okay, well. That's impressive, but..."

It's not happening. You simply do not have the mind-over-matter athletic capacity to pull it off at this time.

Yes. Teleportation is completely not a thing. Perhaps if you were to, instead, climb the ladder with your eyes closed? This way it's less scary.

Grab the first rung.

It doesn't crumble in your hand, as one might expect. In fact, it doesn't even bend.

Grab the second rung.

Your fingers slip from the rung...

"Officer, be careful! Officer!"

Brace yourself!

The ladder gleams arrogantly with what remains of its metallic lustre as you hit the barrel and tumble onto the ground.

"Enough of that now, officer..." The lieutenant pats you on the back. "There has got to be a better, more age-appropriate way in."

Hear that? You're old. That's why you can't do it. Old and feeble. A let-down. A failure.

The ladder gleams arrogantly with what remains of its metallic lustre as you hit the barrel and tumble onto the ground.

"Careful..."

On second thought, maybe teleportation isn't a thing.

Why?

Because you're just standing there squeezing your buttocks and nothing is happening.

"Kim, it isn't happening! I'm not teleporting."

He looks at you, eyes wide with feigned surprise. "You're not? Please don't try to climb the building, we'll get in another way."

Don't say the stupid thing.

The lieutenant looks at you with that 'I-know-you're-thinking-the-stupid-thing' look -- as you grow tired of clenching your buttocks and give up.

"Kim, do you know where I could get that teleportation apparatus?"

"Teleportation apparatus? I don't remember mentioning anything about teleportation apparatus. Please don't try to climb the building, we'll get in another way."

He did, he totally said something about the apparatus, god damn it...

"What if I don't climb? What if I just... teleport?"

"Teleportation is not a thing." The lieutenant stares at you, stone-faced.

Even if it isn't -- no one told you.

"It is a thing for me. I can't remember it's not a thing."

"That's not how physics work, detective. And even if it were -- wouldn't you need some kind of apparatus? A teleportation field or..."

"What are they talking about?" the kid behind you whispers, asking his father.

"Teleportation, Mikael. It's... generally thought impossible."

"It won't hurt to try."

"Oh yes. It could hurt. A lot."