There it is, a brave little army in your pocket. The First Smokes Platoon. Twenty brave…

There it is, a brave little army in your pocket. The First Smokes Platoon. Twenty brave souls standing in salute, ready to step into the fire for you, sir...

I'm not going to do it. [Ignore thought.]

Already you regret it -- looking at the pack... But don't worry. You can come back to this later. The army of smokes is honourable and faithful to you. You have your entire life to return to it.

You've passed up your chance to start smoking CIGARETTES for now, but don't worry! The option to start smoking becomes available again in 3 hours.

Pull one out of the pack.

You picked the best one! This soldier is fat and succulent. What are you waiting for? Light up -- re-become yourself!

Oh yes, bratan! (The tie is shaking around your neck excitedly.) Please light up. You need a trooper between your lips right now! Calm your shit down. Go to Pleasureland. Become a genius!

Light it up!

Get a load of this rock and roll cop here, people! Johnny Thundercop fishes a cheap lighter out of his pants. With a flick of the thumb there's fire, a primal satisfaction. Here we go...

The lighter's dark green, disposable plastic. Safety's off -- in your case, the safety is always off.

"Hey, you can't smoke in here." The girl's voice betrays little interest or enthusiasm. She doesn't even look up when as she continues: "Please don't fuck with Frittte."

Shut up. It's already happening...

No. Throw it away at the last second. [Ignore thought.]

What are the repercussions if I do this?

Repercussions? There's a high risk of GLORY? With a mild chance COOL GENIUS. Smoking makes you into an INTELLECTUAL, everybody knows that.

It will help you concentrate a bit, that much is true.

It only lets you concentrate because you're in nicotine withdrawal. It only mitigates it's own...

...bla bla bla. Boring. Light it up!

Dip that bad boy in the flame and breathe in.

Thick, warm smoke gets sucked down into your lungs. Immediately you feel a warm nostalgia fill your head, body and soul. A nostalgia for yourself, the man you were in your youth. Johnny Thundercop is back. And he's chill as balls.

In the bottom right corner of the screen there's a CIGARETTES button! CIGARETTES give +1 to INTELLECT skills: Logic, Rhetoric, Conceptualization, Visual Calculus, Encyclopedia, and Drama. This is good before a White Check -- but damages your Health.

Thick, warm smoke gets sucked down into your lungs. Immediately you feel a warm nostalgia fill your head, body and soul. A nostalgia for yourself, the man you were in your youth. Johnny Thundercop is back. And he's chill as balls.

The man in the stinking tracksuit nods solemnly. "Having a well-deserved break from your adventures. It's what we all need sometimes."

Get a load of this rock and roll cop here, people! Johnny Thundercop fishes a cheap lighter out of his pants. With a flick of the thumb there's fire, a primal satisfaction. Here we go...

I don't wanna light it right now, people are watching.

People are watching. What a pussy! People are always watching -- that's what makes it cool, now come on!

Will they always be looking, though? Because they might go to the toilet or you might be in a different...

Shut up and light that shit! You wanna be an idiot for the rest of your life? This shit will give you the cool edge you need.

I already had a heart attack. Maybe smokes are harmful?

No, what's harmful is fretting and worrying. It's the stress that's wearing your ticker down. The smokes will soothe it. They're medicinal.

Step into the light and be reborn in the cleansing flame, bratan!

Put it back in the pack. [Ignore thought.]