"I'm trying to turn back time. Can you help me, bröther?"

What's really going on with this guy?

In reality, there is no 'culture war', but there is a struggle for mating privileges -- always has been -- and this man is outgunned and completely ill-equipped for this 'conflict'.

That's why he is... like he is? (Continue.)

It's a vicious cycle he is unlikely to ever break. The lack of female affection makes him bitter. His bitterness in turn reduces his chances of gaining that affection...

Poor guy...

That's how he played the hand he was dealt. At least he's blissfully ignorant to the cyclical nature of his situation.

So what should I say to him?

Just be nice. Or tear him to pieces. Or ignore him. You're not going to change him.

"You still with us, runt? Or are you just gonna stand around like a glue-sniffer?"

No, I was thinking about myself.

We know.

Wait, could this happen to me?

Easily.

How do you know it already hasn't?

Well, maybe he shouldn't be such a bigot then?

And maybe he wouldn't be such a bigot if he had found love sooner? But so it goes.

Why is he outgunned?

It starts with the genetic lottery. A few are born handsome, imposing giants, while most -- like this guy -- are just average. The less fortunate have an underdeveloped limb, a sense missing, or worse.

Only the most average survive Extinction-Level Events. That's a known fact.

But there's a lot one can do with 'average', and this guy hasn't. Now, past his prime, it's unlikely he ever will. While others dominate the 'killing fields', he will sink to the bottom of the mating pool.

How is he ill-equipped?

It's his defeatist, self-pitying mentality. A sense that the world owes him a mate, because he perceives himself to be a 'good guy'.

The ladies don't like that, it isn't sexy.

He isn't interested in evolving, improving, or working for it. He thinks by just being he is entitled to love and respect.

But the truth is there's a hundred million men like him competing for every single female out there, and his attitude virtually guarantees he'll never come out on top.

I feel outgunned and ill-equipped too...

This really isn't about you right now.

Did you not hear what he said? There's a culture war raging out there, and this unlikely hero might be our last, best chance. That's all this is about.

(Look around.) I don't see a culture war, though.

That's how badly you're losing, you don't even realise it's happening! Thank god this hero is here, fighting for all of us.

I'm satisfied with this conclusion.

"You still with us, runt? Or are you just gonna stand around like a glue-sniffer?"

No, I think there was something else...

(Deep breath.) I must steel myself.

That's right. Guns and swords are the only things that will protect you from youth culture and demographic change.

"Listen, I just need your bean bag for a moment..."

The lieutenant's eyebrow is conspicuously arched.

"My... what? Ah!" He jumps back with a look of disgust. "Fucking puffs everywhere..."

He's confused now, off his balance...

He's looking for sssigns of deceit...

His hackles are up, scanning for threats...

"Are you mocking me right now, runt?"

"What? No way."

He relaxes, slightly. "People think it's so easy, being a lorry driver. Well it isn't, okay?"

The rumbling in your stomach says there's something not quite right with this one...

(Shrug.) "Maybe a little."

"You think it's easy to stay in shape driving a lorry six days a week?!" His voice is unnaturally shrill. "You guys got it easy, on your feet all day long, burning calories and what not..."

The rumbling in your stomach says there's something not quite right with this one...

Alert! We detect major body-image disturbance.

"What's a guy like me supposed to do, huh? Fucking butt-clenches while I'm driving, like some kind of anal acrobat in the homo circus?!"

Anal acrobats actually train using a series of stomach breathing exercises, not butt-clenches. Not many people know that.

But you do. Go figure.

Also, there is no such thing as a 'homo circus'.

"Yeah, yeah I am."

"You're a big time racist, right? I thought you were into that kinda stuff."

"What do you mean by 'big time' racist, exactly?" He stares at you intently.

"My gut tells me you're just the guy I'm looking for."

"Your 'gut', huh?" He stares at you intently.

The lorryman ignores the lieutenant. "My friend, I don't know what you're after, but I have to tell you there's no turning back time..."

"I've seen the demographic reports, I know what our experts say. Our greatest days as a people are behind us, and we're not going back."