The face of King Frissel smiles at you. For some reason the smile now strikes you as more…

What are you, a statistician? Did the Moralintern send you on a 'fact-finding' mission? This is the SRV party line, comrade.

I guess it's hard to fight a bear if you're drunk.

Precisely. For too long drink has been a scourge to the working class, and President Knezhinisky is deeply committed to supplying the people with more wholesome entertainments.

This is all ass-backwards. Drinking makes it easier to fight a bear! Plus, then you'll have a bottle to smash on its head. Easy peasy!

The Waste Land of Reality is an unforgiving place, but if you ever encounter a bear wandering its roads, you're pretty sure you could take it.

See? There are plenty of ways to find meaning in life. You don't need booze to feel alive.

Don't forget the moustache.

When it says 'bear wrestling', does that mean two bears are wrestling each other, or...

Of course not. The article makes plain that this is man-on-bear (or in some cases, woman-on-bear) competition. Two competitors, one ring, five rounds (or until 'incapacitation')...

Seems a little too foreign for my tastes.

Apparently the material conditions of other countries hold no interest for you. Your brand of communism is strictly local. So be it...

Face it, you really aren't interested in foreign affairs. You're not even sure where most of these countries are...

What is 'Kunst und Kultur'?

It takes a moment, but gradually it dawns on you that 'Kunst und Kultur' must mean 'Arts and Culture'...

Why they decided to title this one section in Walder is beyond you.

Obviously because it's cool to drop random phrases in foreign languages.

It evokes a sense of recognition and fellowship among those privileged enough to understand.

As you leaf through this section, you come across several reviews of recent radio-plays, as well as a brief 'Artist Spotlight' featuring a local artist identified only as 'C.S.'

The main feature, though, is a long essay titled 'TipTop Tournée: A Critical Mazovian Perspective'.

Read the profile of 'C.S.'

This so-called 'Artist Spotlight' is really just a brief Q&A, made all the briefer by the subject's evident hostility to her interviewer.

That certainly sounds like a certain delinquent youth who likes to harass you from her balcony.

Sounds dull. (Return to the table of contents.)

Just a moment, what is this 'TipTop Tournée'?

The actual article is surprisingly light on details, but after skimming a page or two you gather that it has something to do with motor carriage racing...

If you don't follow it, you only ever hear about the ludicrous sponsorships and obscene death toll...

Alright, let's see what these communists have to say about TipTop.

You think you're settling in for a relaxing recap of the most recent season, maybe sprinkled with some nice anecdotes about a few of the more colourful drivers...

Instead you find yourself skimming a 10,000-word feature about all the politically problematic aspects of TipTop Tournée.

Wait, what's wrong with TipTop?

Where to even start? For one, there's the crass commercialism of its sponsorships. And then there's the practically criminal emphasis on deadly motor crashes...

So, all of it, basically.

What's so bad about sponsorships?

Under capitalism, the article says, every pursuit has its price. Every pleasure, even one as elemental as the joy of racing others around a track, is reduced to an advertising opportunity.

Thus the so-called tournée becomes a competition between increasingly meaningless brand signifiers: your discount laundry detergent racing against a pack of Astra cigarettes or even a Frittte...

Right, but then you get to see them crash.

And that, precisely, is what's problematic about it. Were it not for the promise of random, spectacular violence, audiences would quickly lose interest...

At the end of the day, it's the destruction of these 750,000-reál racers that you're really watching for.

No, I'm pretty sure I like it for the racing.

Sure, you think that, but subconsciously it's the visions of brand-names being engulfed in flames that you crave.

That may be true of your casual, factory-issue TipTopper, but you're a genuine torque dork. You practically live for the wail of those superchargers!

I guess I've never thought about it that much.

That's because you haven't been reading critically. But don't worry, the whole point of these sorts of articles is to let someone else read critically for you.

"Kim, did you know TipTop Tournée is actually an orgiastic ritual of capitalistic destruction? I had no idea!"

"I can safely say the thought had never crossed my mind, detective." The lieutenant furrows his brow.

"It's too bad. I thought I liked TipTop."

"You can still like it, detective. Just because a couple of fools wrote an article doesn't mean it's true."

"If I had to wager, I'd say they've never even seen the inside of a motor, much less a motor race. I'd take whatever they write with a large grain of salt."

"I wonder what else is really just a metaphor for life under capitalism."

"I'm sure most things are, if the young men who wrote this article are to be believed."

"Kim, this article says that no one really watches TipTop Tournée for the races."

"Oh, come on. Can this article read your mind?"

"No, I guess not."

"Well, there you have it. No reason to get hung up on the pretentious ramblings of a few young men."

"It seems to think so."

The lieutenant sighs. "A certain kind of young man reads one or two books and suddenly thinks he understands the secret structures of reality..."

"Kim, you wouldn't believe how badly written some of these articles are."

"I can imagine. Something tells me there's not exactly a glut of young communists itching to write about TipTop for La Fumée..."

Who do you think you're talking to, article? I've forgotten more about fuel-injection systems than you'll ever know.

Believe what you want, but your fascination with machines you'll never so much as touch in real life is itself a textbook example of commodity fetishism...