Conversation · Cuno

"Right, pig, this is where Cuno plays with his little wooden choo-choo. Fuck do you want with it?"

"Cuno, there's a stack of eternite back there..." (Point to the shack.)

"That's just some shit roofing-gimps left behind. Lazy dinks."

There it is! That strange feeling again! As if... there was more than meets the eye about that pile of roofing material.

"You can't hide it, I see without vision. With my inner eye."

"Inner eye?! Fuck are you talking about?!" He loses his cool for a moment and starts yelling. "Ask me a normal question, pig!"

"They're trying to make you feel stupid, Cuno!"

You glance again at the roofing material in front of the shack -- yes, you should go back there.

"So you say, but I saw past the veil."

He loses his cool for a moment and starts yelling. "The fucking wellll... ?! The fuck are you talking about?! Ask me a normal question, pig!"

Don't I have a single normal thing to say?

We are way beyond normal already. We are in the STAR CHAMBER.

Better not to bother the lieutenant with my Star Chamber. He wouldn't understand.

"Are you having a seizure in Cuno's yard now?" He sounds agitated.

"Kim, I think I'm already in the Star Chamber."

"Huh..." The lieutenant has his nose in his notebook. "I have no idea what you just said."

"Yes, yes... some shit gimps left behind. Were those gimps..." (Suddenly raise your eyes.) "...left-handed?"

"The fuck are you talking about? Cuno doesn't know what-handed gimps they were."

"Tryin'a get you to talk gimp, Cuno. Don't talk!"

He's hiding something.

"Are you hiding something?"

"Pig... if Cuno was hiding something, it would be hidden," he says with exaggerated confidence.

But it is not hidden, is it, sire? You picked up on it. You should examine the pile of roofing material again.

Shit 'some gimps' left behind. Sounds legitimate. Let's move on.

Of course, sire. Better not anger the Cuno with this silliness. We regret bringing it up. A thousand years of misfortune upon us for bringing it up!

Was there something here you were supposed to pick up on? As soon as it crosses your mind, the thought is gone...

"What's in the greenhouse over there?"

"Dunno." He shrugs. "Kipt-ass gardener used to work there."

Kipt is a pejorative term used to describe people of South Semenese or Areopagite descent. It used to be a common first name among the Areopagites of Iilmaraa -- not so much anymore.

"Hold on, the gardener used to work there?"

"Yeah, that's what Cuno said. She couldn't handle the heat, so she took off. Cuno can take it." He fills his lungs with the rancid air. His eyes get a little watery. "Shit's nothing to Cuno."

"Wait, what did you mean by kipt?"

"Look it up in the library. Cuno's not a fucking dictionary..." He shakes his head. "Fuckin' small-brain. Cuno means the gardener, alright?"

"The gardener? She's actually not a gardener. Turns out she's a union fixer."

"The fuck does this have to do with the Cuno? Cuno doesn't give a shit who she is."

You were expecting relaying this information to him to be more rewarding, right? Telling him you found out she isn't a gardener. You know what you should do, if you want to get rewarded? Drugs. Drugs are more rewarding than work.

Or alcohol, if you don't want to do drugs. Alcohol is just as rewarding, but it isn't a drug. This has been going on for quite a while, hasn't it? You've been thinking about drugs and alcohol for a long time now. Juicy drugs, tasty alcohol...

Seems kinda boring now, going back to... What was this about? Some yard? Yards aren't interesting. Only drugs are interesting. Drugs and alcohol. You feel sad now, but what can you do. Life has to go on. With a heavy sigh, you say...

"You mean the young woman by Whirling-in-Rags? That gardener?"

"Look, Cuno doesn't explain shit -- Cuno just says shit." He looks you in the eye and nods, as if agreeing with himself.

Yeah, her.

What was she doing in the greenhouse in March anyway? What kind of gardening is done in March?

Fish is sometimes used to fertilize the soil a few weeks before planting something. Maybe she was preparing the garden beds?

Not important right now. (Refuse task.)

"The fuck are you staring at with your mouth open? Ask Cuno a question or get the fuck out of here."

I should ask her about that. (Accept the task.)

Yes, it seems suspicious. You don't like things being like that... suspicious.

Yes, it was probably fish. I'm not gonna waste more time asking about it. (Refuse task.)

"The ladder, ever climb it?" (Point to the ladder on the tree.)

"Look at that fucking shit?" he screeches. "You tryin'a get Cuno killed?"

"So you would say that the ladder is... unclimbable?"

"Fuck does Cuno know? Cuno's not a fucking acrobat!"

Cuno knows the ladder is unclimbable.

The lieutenant takes a quick note in his notebook.

"It's a trap, Cuno! Don't climb it, Cuno!"

"I might have questions later. For now, let's talk about something else."

"Yeah, whatever. Cuno doesn't give a shit." He spits over his shoulder, then looks back up at you.

"That ladder yours?"

"No, it's not fucking Cuno's, it's ancient -- look at it."

An evil squeak comes from behind the fence. "He thinks you're fucking four, Cuno! He says you climb the ladder up to your magic tree house!"