Conversation · Plaisance

You know, maybe this time you should just be upfront with her?

Goddamnit, you're completely unhelpful.

'Tis a poor craftsman who blames his tools!

Why are you bothering with this tiresome woman -- just open the curtains while she's distracted!

"Look, ma'am, I really need to get in there. I'm a compulsive detective. I can't sleep until I've solved the mystery."

"And others have to suffer terrible consequences just so you can sleep at night? I think not!"

Alright -- Take two!

"This so-called curse is nothing more than a simple case of collective delusion."

"No, no, don't mock the spirits like that! They don't like it... it only makes them angrier. Leave it be."

"Dealing with ghosts is simple. You have to show them who's boss."

"What does that even mean?"

"Extreme violence. The wards only make them invite their ghost-families. And the Semenese want that because they're in league with the ghosts."

"Do you take me for a complete fool?" She's getting irritated. "Leave it be and just go look at the books."

"This is nothing but fear for the success of your business given a shape."

"Too many failures for it to be a coincidence... they were not careful. I will not take such risks. Leave it be!"

These ideas are all worthless.

Thy sweet tongue drips not with honey today... yet, try thou must!

"You think Dick Mullen could solve this? No way, time for a real detective..." (Flex them biceps.) "...to shine."

She gives you a curious look -- you don't really understand what to make of it.

She's into your masculine posturing! Your lean -- uh... husky and chubby brawn -- is pure animal magnetism.

Wink at her.

"Oh for the love of... no!" She rolls her eyes, although a vague blush nearly cracks through her façade. "Go look at books instead of this nonsense."

Do not wink at her.

Time to fire up the old lie machine!

"Ma'am, do you know how me and my partner are known to our colleagues back at the station?"

"No?" The storekeeper has crossed her arms.

The lieutenant looks at you, waiting to see where this is going.

You've got this. Just go with it, this is elegant.

"Crime bros." (Nod at Kim.) "We're called crime bros, my partner and I."

"You're called... what?" She peers at you over her glasses. "What is this, a joke, mister policeman? Do you commit crimes together or what?"

He turns away, but not before you can see a small hint of a smile -- he's struggling to not crack up.

Technically, that's what Crime Bros would do, yes. Commit crimes.

"No, not like this, we're called crime bros because we like to solve crimes... as brothers in arms!"

"Not this nonsense again. I already said no!"

"Sir, I really don't have time for your jokes. The situation is very serious."

"Uh... Sorry, this came out wrong again."

Wait... That's it? I don't want to say that!

Stop being such a fussy prude! You can't convince her without liessssss.

No, it's really stupid.

The woman looks aloof, her features much softer. Occasionally she glances at her daughter's silhouette.

The woman before you scans the store, her shoulders rigid and tense. Every now and then she nudges her glasses.

Okay, I guess I'll give it a try: "Crime Bros." (Nod at Kim.) "We're called crime bros, my partner and I."

"Ma'am, I am a renowned private investigator, a paragon of law and a specialist in all things criminal."

The lieutenant shoots you a sideways glance. "And I am his private partner, John... Shao. Together we run the pre-eminent spousal surveillance firm in Revachol."

Shao is what the Seolite Empire was called in the Occident, back when far less was known about the people. It was a barbarian Other, ever so mystical, on whom you could project any kind of exotic fantasy. The legend of it persists and a lot of people still think the 'Shao' is a thing.

"But wait, there's more!"

"Once we've caught our client's spouse in flagrante delicto, we blackmail them and pocket the money ourselves, because that's what private investigators do. Now, I see that you are a married woman..."

Some penetrating sarcasm from your colleague there.

"What nonsense are you two going on about? This is not relevant at all. And besides," her lip curls in disgust, "my husband would never do such a thing. We are proper people."

"Alright, enough nonsense. The point is that we sometimes take on unusual cases."

"How can I believe you after all that foolishness?" She looks somewhat irritated.

"Our sincere apologies, ma'am. No more nonsense. We're offering to assist you with your troubles, pro bono." Despite his apologies, there's a twinge of amusement in the lieutenant's eye.

"Enough funny business. Will you just give us the key already?"

"Is that what you've been after this whole time? You want the key to the back door?"

"Yes! The key! Can we have it?"

"Absolutely not!"

"That's right, and all you have to do is give us the key to the back door."

"It's a good offer, ma'am. I urge you to accept our help, it may be the only chance to save your business!"

"That's right. When not spying on the love affairs of the ultra-rich, we solve unusual mysteries by the lorry-load."

"What better way, than to ask us --"