Conversation · Sunday Friend

"I understand that you're here to investigate a murder," the man says, his face grave, "but I must impress upon you the seriousness of this matter..."

"Thousands of corporate secrets may be at stake here. I shudder to think what damage that might do to the international markets..."

"It's certainly serious, sir. But there's also the question of jurisdiction. The Wayfarer Act places certain strictures on what matters the RCM may involve itself in."

"You're right, of course. What use are protocols if you don't follow them?"

The man sighs. "I only pray that the ICP apprehends this fugitive before more corporate secrets are lost..."

"Now, was there anything else you wished to discuss?"

"I meant that as a hypothetical. I don't actually know about any corporate espionage."

"Ah, that's right. You did say this was all just a hypothetical scenario..."

"Whew! For a moment there I was concerned that we had quite the situation on our hands..."

A bullet deftly dodged, ssssire.

"Now that that's settled, was there anything else you'd like to discuss?"

"What do you mean 'as a hypothetical'? I don't mean to imply anything, officer, but there's no chance you're harbouring a fugitive, is there?"

You should have heeded your partner's warning. Now it's too late.

"I'm afraid I must insist that you tell me what you know. Or I'll be forced to make a very unfavourable report to my superiors at the Moralintern."

"Her name is Klaasje and she's already in police custody."

"Ah, good to hear. Excellent. On behalf of the Moralintern, let me thank you for this service..."

That's it. She's done for. Au revoir, Klaasje.

The lieutenant does his level best to suppress a deep sigh.

"This is a great relief. The sanctity of corporate secrets is a cornerstone of the international order..."

"I'll be sure I make a note of your contributions in my report. Revachol is fortunate to have police officers like you."

"You hear that Kim? Revachol's lucky to have me."

"I suspect he doesn't know the half of it."

"Now that that's settled, was there anything else you'd like to discuss?"

"Just doing my job, sir."

The man nods. "You are a credit to the RCM. If more Revacholians were like you, they might be part of EPIS by now."

Somehow the man thinks of this as a compliment rather than an expression of patronizing condescension.

"Honour demanded it."

"For almighty Revachol."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Just doing my job."

"Ah, very good, then." Your remark seems to have completely vanished from his mind.

What? Are you intimidated by this sissy bureaucrat? Mediocre!

"Now that that's settled, was there anything else you'd like to discuss?"

"I said 'For almighty Revachol' you deaf frog-eater."

"What the detective means is that he's proud to serve the RCM."

"Ah, of course. Carry on then."

The lieutenant gives you a sharp look. He's bailed you out, again, but he's none too pleased about it.

"Aha," he says, his voice suddenly cool. "A nationalist, I see. In other circumstances I might be compelled to report you for sedition..."

He won't, though, because he's nothing but a sissy bureaucrat.

"Well, no matter. You've done the Moralintern a great service regardless of your personal views..."

"Her name is Klaasje and she's at the Whirling-in-Rags."

"Right. That should be enough for the ICP. Very good. On behalf of the Moralintern, let me thank you for this service..."

Pin it on someone else.

Now's your chance, ssssire. Which of your enemies would you most like to make trouble for?

"His name is Garte, and he's working at the Whirling-in-Rags disguised as a cafeteria manager."

"A cafeteria manager, you say? How strange. Normally fugitives don't take on such public roles."

"He's extremely clever like that. Careful, though, he'll also try to convince you that you owe him money."

"Much as I'm inclined to believe you, I'm not sure my colleagues at the ICP will..."

"I'll make note of your claims in my report, but I'm sorry to say it's likely to end up in the back of a filing cabinet somewhere in Mirova, unread and forgotten."

"That's a shame."

"Yes, it rather is. As much as I'm a true believer in international institutions, there are times when even I grow frustrated with the bureaucracy..."

"Well, no matter. I should thank you for bringing this to our attention. Your efforts have been noted."

"Now, was there anything else you wanted to discuss?"

"That's totally fine."

"You think it's 'fine' that Martinaise is a safe haven for international fugitives? You know, concern for the rule of law is one of the Moralintern's main criteria for admission into EPIS..."

"For some reason he gives you a discount if you trash the cafeteria."

"You'll find him hanging out by the roundabout. He's disguised as a really racist lorry driver."

"As a common lorry driver, you say? Interesting. Are you sure?"

"He may not look like an corporate spy, but that's what makes him so effective."

"He'll tell you his name is Raphael, but his real name is Herve, so make sure you call him that."