Conversation · Gary, the Cryptofascist

Shut up, we can't hear what he's saying!

"It's found in the subtropical jungles of Samara. Extremely difficult to spot as it appears to the untrained eye like common mud. It's thought to be impossible to catch and very dangerous."

"How dangerous is it?"

"I once heard a story about a whole village disappearing overnight, without a trace. Can you imagine that?" He shakes his head. "Just a large patch of mud where the settlement was."

"Yes, vividly."

"Whole area is completely abandoned now. Locals won't even go near it. They swear the mud writhes and occasionally grows strange shapes."

Jungles, villages, mud... he better not be wasting your time.

"Gary, are you wasting my time right now?"

"No, no, not at all... You see, the Semper Maa has also evolved a curious defensive mechanism. When threatened, it has the ability to revert back to an earlier stage in its own lifecycle. It may even be able to do this continually, ad infinitium..."

So the scary sentient mud is also immortal? That's good news.

"Now, here's where it gets really interesting. It's believed that the mechanism by which the Semper Maa reverts actually reverses the flow of time itself..."

To be able to revert back to a previous version of yourself, to the one before all the mistakes... that's why we're here!

"... by about 4.5 seconds."

"Okay, I'm convinced. What's our next step?"

"Well, first we'd need to secure funding for an expedition, then assemble a team, gather supplies... There's probably a million other little things, but with the resources of the RCM behind you..." He shrugs. "It could be feasible."

He seems to have an unrealistic idea of the RCM's budget and manpower...

"That would take forever! Isn't there just like a pill I could take or something...?"

"I haven't really heard of any time-travel pills, officer..." He rubs his chin, thinking.

"And speaking personally, arranging an expedition seems like the most promising option overall, so I'm not really sure what else to tell you..."

"And personally, it seems easier than, say, accessing deep-secret Seolite technology, but to each his own."

"And personally, it seems more civilised than, say, digital castigation, but to each his own."

"And personally, it seems easier than accessing deep-secret Seolite technology and more civilised than digital castigation, but to each his own."

"I don't think the RCM is gonna go for it, Gary."

"I concur, detective," the lieutenant interjects without looking up from his notes. "It's completely unfeasible."

His voice betrays relief, he really didn't want to have to argue with you over this.

"It's true that every expedition up to now has failed, and that several have vanished without a trace, but the potential is there, officer. It just can't be denied..."

Oh, yes it can. Easily.

"Hmmm, what else have you got?"

"Listen, officer. I know it sounds like quite the task, but the potential, it just can't be denied..."

"This sounds like a dead end to me, Gary."

"Hang on, I still don't see how this immortal mud monster is gonna help me turn back time."

"Well, you see, the fascinating thing about it is that this temporal reversion is said to extend to anything touching the Semper Maa at the moment of reversal."

"So if I attack this sentient mud..."

"Well, if you cover yourself in it first, then attack it, you could theoretically basically punch your way back to the Franconigerian era!"

Like a diving suit powered by pain.

"Seems like a dick move."

"Assuming you survive the encounter... But that's way down the line of course..."

"There's balance in nature, Gary. Man was not meant to play god."

"Very well. This Semper Maa will pull my ox-cart through the ages."

Like a submarine fuelled by suffering.

Like an exo-skeleton powered by fear.

"So if I cover myself with this sentient mud..."

"... and attack it over and over again, you could theoretically punch your way back to the Franconigerian era!"

"I asked you about temporal manipulation, not mud."

"I'm getting there, officer." He smiles. "You see, the Semper Maa has also evolved a curious defensive mechanism. When threatened, it has the ability to revert back to an earlier stage in its own lifecycle. It may even be able to do this continually, ad infinitum..."

"Terrifying..."

"It gets even scarier. You see, the Semper Maa has also evolved a curious defensive mechanism. When threatened, it has the ability to revert back to an earlier stage in its own lifecycle. It may even be able to do this continually, ad infinitium..."

(Scoff.) "I've seen the sky cry blood while everything turns to vapour. I think I can manage, Gary."

"Ahm..." He's so surprised he even forgets to close his mouth. "That's... yes, that's also horrible. I mean in a much grander scale. Exactly what happened to that village."

This event will be beyond all scales.

"No, I'm sorry, but I can't."

"I don't want to imagine that."

"Wait, it looks like mud?"

"Yes, it blends in with the jungle floor. Unsurprisingly, it's become the subject of many local myths -- some have even described it as an angry forest spirit or a manifestation of the forest itself."

"You really think the Seolites can really move through time?"

"Well..." His eyes instinctively dart to the lieutenant before he continues sotto voce: "How else did they get so far ahead of everyone in the tech-race?"

"By seeking answers from behind the veil, from the void?"

"I've personally never witnessed a Seolite commit corporate espionage," he says, determined not to glance at the lieutenant. "However there are rumours, articles, respected opinions..."

And he glanced!

He clears his throat and continues. "That's actually peas, nothing, no amount of corporate espionage would ever would ever put them so far ahead of everyone else..."