"Hi, ace detective." She smiles warmly. "Are you here for more books?"

"You know... like a cat in the dark! All big-and-wide-eyed." She giggles at the thought. "It certainly looks odd on a man."

The swivelling eyes of a loony drug addict. That is what she meant. You were probably gurning too.

Good thing she's didn't say PARTY EYES loud, her mother's nearby...

Fuck yeah! You should get some party eyes right now! Snap those sequins on you, boy.

The girl doesn't know what she's talking about! Forget about this.

Don't leave us hanging like that, man. Open yourself to the experiences of the world, expand your consciousness. With amphetamines.

"So... why didn't you tell me you knew me to begin with?"

"I didn't know I had to do that." She looks puzzled.

"I don't really like this detective-deduction game anymore..." (Conclude.)

She gives you a rather concerned look. "I guess we can change the subject, sir. I didn't mean to bring you down."

"Thanks -- I've learned something about myself today." (Conclude.)

"I'm glad I could help you, sir." She smiles a wide, helpful smile.

Does that mean... I've been partaking in narcotics?

Oh baby, that's not what you have to worry about. Worry about the important thing!

"What do you mean better? I look like shit."

"Yeah, but you don't have party eyes anymore."

"Thanks. I'm trying."

"Yeah, I can see. You don't have party eyes anymore."

"Yes! I stand in this spot all the time." She sways back and forth on her feet.

You have absolutely no idea. Familiar how? You must have forgotten something you heard again.

"Hey, guess what. I found a way into the Doomed Commercial Area."

"Oh, that's great!" Her smile is warm. "I hope exciting adventures lie ahead! And maybe you can help mother become... less afraid."

"What is romance?"

"It's the type of book where there's a rich lady and she has to choose between the good man and the bad man." She smiles at the thought, perhaps imagining herself in that situation.

"Or there could be a story about a poor lady getting a rich man. It's about man and lady business, sir."

"What about a poor man getting a rich lady?"

"It happens. But usually the guy gets rich in the process, or should actually be rich himself, but has lost his family property unjustly, like during the Revolution or something."

"I see."

"Those are unhappy books, for most of the pages. People sad about what they have lost. But then it all turns out just fine in the end!"

"What about when both of the men are bad?"

"These are not very common. You can't have a choice between bad and bad, nobody wants to read a story like that."

"What if it's written really well?"

"Well... maybe then it's fine. Maybe if the lady then decides not to pick either, because she doesn't need a bad man. Yes, that would be interesting!"

"What about a book where the man and lady business doesn't work out at all?"

"I haven't read many of... those. Maybe you should ask Mum?"

"Yeah? You think she has one about an excruciatingly painful breakup?"

"I don't think it's a romance story if the main characters break up, though..." She pauses, trying to figure out the appropriate answer.

"No-no, think about it! One where they plunge into a torrid spiral of pain and recrimination. Only it's really long and drawn out. Scarred for life. Phantom limb!"

"Ummm... no? I don't know..." She looks at you with puzzlement.

You can take this! Blossom like a pain-flower.

"Yeah. Yeah! And it drags on for years and years with no resolution in sight..."

The girl is at a loss for words.

"... each of you filling with resentment and bitterness for having ruined each other's lives..."

She shifts and sways on her feet, looking confused and uncomfortable.

Stop. There's no need for this. It's in your power to change the subject.

"... each of you tearing at the other's innards, leaving a gaping emptiness, a vacuum heart that still hurts ceaselessly!"

"I'm sorry, sir, I don't know how to help you..."

"Why can't you help me? I'm beyond help, right?"

"Sir, sorry, sir. I'm still little?" She stumbles on her words. "I don't... I can't..."

It's time to leave it be. You're about to make a child cry. Are you proud of yourself?

"I... uh... don't worry, little girl. Got a bit carried away there. Let's back up out of this."

"Mhm!" She nods enthusiastically, obviously relieved.

Not a single shred of pride remains in me.

This is your tiny chance for redemption. Apologize.

"Little girl, I'm sorry I got agitated. I just can't handle things sometimes. Let's get back to books."

"Yes... yes, sir!" She blinks her eyes rapidly, in confusion and relief.

Damn right I am! Proud as the Lion of Serber.

Excuse me, I'm not sure I heard that properly...

"I said I'm proud like a goddamn lion!"

"Wonderful."