Giant Ham Sandwich

The ham-sandwich looks fresh and nutritious in you hand, begging to be eaten.

"Here, Kim! Let's share." (Hold out the sandwich.)

"I'll pass," the lieutenant replies with a polite nod. "Thanks."

When you hold something up long enough, some people are compelled to take it. Try it on the lieutenant.

"What do you mean 'you'll pass'?"

He shrugs. "I mean I'm not hungry and therefore am not gonna take it. Thanks though."

"Oh, okay then."

The lieutenant nods and adds, "But you go right ahead."

"This isn't about hunger, Kim, it's about camaraderie."

"Camaraderie?"

"Yes! By sharing this sandwich you and I solidify the bond between us."

"Is it really necessary?"

The bonds between officers -- partners -- are paramount. That's how trust is built. Trust saves lives.

"I just thought it would be a nice gesture. I'm sorry..."

"No, it's... it's okay. Let's share it, okay?" The lieutenant breaks the sandwich in two and quickly eats his half.

"Friends forever!" (Eat your half of the sandwich.)

"Sure, sure." The lieutenant nods impatiently. "Time to go solve a murder investigation."

"This is good shit." (Eat your half of the sandwich.)

Eat your half in silence.

"Good." The lieutenant nods. "Very nourishing. Let's go solve crimes now."

"For the brötherhööd!" (Eat your half of the sandwich.)

"Is this necessary?! Is friendship necessary? Is brotherhood?"

"Okay-okay. They are all necessary. Let's share the sandwich, if it matters that much to you." The lieutenant breaks the sandwich in two and quickly eats his half.

"It really is."

"Then sure. Let us 'strengthen our bond'." The lieutenant breaks the sandwich in two and quickly eats his half.

"No, you're right. Let's just drop it."

"Go through all that and then just dump it?" The lieutenant smirks. "You better just eat it, no need for dramatic gestures."

It's a little joke the lieutenant made. He knows what you meant.

Hold the sandwich up for the lieutenant to take it.

"Thank you, but no, I'm not hungry."

Keep holding the sandwich.

"No."

Do not lower the sandwich.

"No."

Hold the sandwich up, moving it closer to the his chin.

The lieutenant's eyes express an absolute lack of interest.

Lower the sandwich.

The lieutenant nods.

Move the sandwich around in front of the lieutenant's mouth and make aircraft noises.

The lieutenant stands next to you, but he might as well exist in a parallel realm.

This man does not crack under pressure. Stars would die before he'd succumb to any kind of manipulation. With this realization comes a sudden flash of pride.

Have the sandwich-interceptor circle in front of the lieutenant's face and then gently nosedive against his lips.

"Stop that!" He doesn't sound amused.

Send the HAM fighter-craft for another mission.

One look at the lieutenant immediately tells you he is ready for your Assault-Sandwich.

A bad idea. Men like the lieutenant are not won over by such childish manoeuvres.

Proceed with the mission.

The lieutenant slaps the sandwich out of your hand faster than you could ever hope to react in your sorry state. It lands in the dirt and falls apart.

"Congratulations, Kim. It was a test and you passed."

"Officer. We have serious matters to attend to. I suggest we get to them right now." He seems completely unfazed by the situation.

"Look what you did..."

"Great, that's 2000 kilo-calories wasted right there."

"Hey!"

"Okay, but why don't you want it?"

"I'm just not hungry."

"You know, Kim, if I were to hold this sandwich up long enough..."

"...some people would feel compelled to take it. Yes, I know."

"Not you, though?"

"No."

"Okay, I guess I'll keep it for later."