Giant Ham Sandwich

The wrapper -- soaked in tomato juice and mayo -- is not gonna hold out forever, but for now the sandwich retains it's impressive composure.

"I cannot be bought!" (Throw the sandwich on the ground.)

The sandwich falls to the ground with a splat, tomatoes and lettuce flying everywhere, mayo spilling out like blood on a crime scene.

You mean semen, right?

"Great." The lieutenant shakes his head. "Wonderful. Good job. I mean why wouldn't you throw it... wait, turns out I don't actually care. Leave it and let's go."

Ouch... he did not like that.

So worth it -- can you feel how liberating that was? De-compression completed.

The sandwich falls to the floor with a loud splat, tomatoes and lettuce flying everywhere, mayo spilling out like blood on a crime scene.

"Step back everyone, it's gonna get messy." (Eat the sandwich.)

You jam your teeth into the sandwich and immediately feel a series of taste explosions go off in you mouth. It's like someone's carpet-bombing your tongue with ambrosia.

This is what angels must taste like. Your saliva production increases tenfold. You can barely contain it all.

Take giant bites and swallow them half-chewed.

The taste-assault in your mouth abates for a moment... wolfing it down is efficient, but lacking in appreciation.

Get into there and do some real damage!

You really ram into the sandwich, deep. The tomato slides off, mayo drips everywhere (including your moustache and clothes), bits of ham fall onto the ground...

You can barely feel the taste, but it seems decent enough. At least it gets your stomach nice and full. Good sandwich -- durable!

Slow down, feel the texture of the components and subtle nuances in taste.

It really is every bit as good as it looked and smelled. The different components all chip in and compliment each other, forming a flavour that is unique to this particular masterpiece.

The bread, as the foundation of the sandwich, is slightly moist due to tomato juice and mayo, but holds together nicely. Almost nothing falls off the sandwich. You feel like you really got everything out of this experience.

[Put the sandwich away.]

A treat of this magnitude should not be enjoyed alone.