Conversation · Cuno

"What is this -- tryin'a be cool with your new asshole? Cuno was just being nice to you." He waves you off. "You got fucked bad. Now limp the fuck out of here."

"I will remember this, Cuno."

"You got fucked." He repeats. "You got fucked, pig. Fucked bad. Of course you're gonna remember this. Now get the fuck out of here, griefin' the Cuno..."

"He told me you promised to 'sic the pigs' on him."

"Yeah, so?" He doesn't understand. "Cuno did sic the pigs on him. Cuno's a man of his word."

"Nothing. The tip really paid off. Good job, Cuno."

"Uh what?" He quickly looks around. "Don't be playin' Cuno off as a snitch-bitch. The oldest trick in the book, people!"

"Are you snitching, Cuno?!"

"This is some ancient bullshit, people!" He addresses the surrounding windows. "Cuno would rather take ten than snitch! Pig's full of shit! Get the fuck out of here!"

You found a real nice button to push. Turned the tables on him.

You're a little bit closer now to understanding this kid.

"He said you're now the king of the entire Jamrock?!"

"Uh... North Jamrock," he corrects you. "Cuno meant everything north of 8/81. The rooster fucked Cuno's words up. Cuno doesn't do South. Doesn't fuck with the Madre."

Cuno appreciates you recognizing him as the sovereign of Jamrock, though... North Jamrock, that is.

"Let's discuss these illegal narcotics again."

"Hey Cuno... got any speed?"

"What was that about running you an errand and illegal narcotics, Cuno?"

"I want to discuss the body with you again, Cuno."

"Cuno, I found your shack." (Point to the shack.)

"I gotta ask... who is Cuno?"

"You wouldn't happen to know anything about any missing locusts?"

"So you respect me now?"

"You're dreamin' pig. That's not how this shit works."

A little. But don't expect anything to change.

"Don't let him dominate you, Cuno! Fuck his fat ass!"

"I talked to the gardener. She said not to listen to you."

"Pig..." Cuno slaps his forehead. "Do you have any idea how fucking stupid that sounds."

"Cuno gives you hot fucking leads... snitch-bitch style -- and you come back griefin' the Cuno? The fuck out of here!"

"Get the fuck out of here, fatass! Those pants are too small for you!"

The pants are totally okay, don't listen to her, she's trying to give you body image problems.

It's totally okay for a man your age to wear pants like that. And you're not fat.

"Cuno's cruising his bitch on the town and the bitch comes back griefin' to the Cuno? What is up with that?"

"Cuno, I need a fridge to stash the body."

"The body -- what do you know about it?"

"I know you took the locusts from the traps the cryptozoologists set up."

"Great, but can I have a quick word?"

"Shoot that shit at Cuno, piggonaut."

"Cuno's like Cuno's dad -- Cuno doesn't give a fuck about anything."

"Fuck does Cuno care?" The boy turns to you. (He doesn't care.)

"Can't you see I'm throwing rocks?!"

"I don't have time for this." [Leave.]

"Look, I have questions for you."

"Alright." He juts his chin out. "Entertain the Cuno! Show me whatcha got. Whatcha got there? Whatcha got, huh?! Show me whatcha got!"

The kid moves his hands like a basketball player dribbling fast.

Irregular speech patterns... overconfidence... Could this kid be on drugs? This warrants further investigation into this... Cuno.

"Are you kids siblings?"

"The fuck are you talking about?" He throws another rock.

"He's calling us f****ts, Cuno! He says we're fucking each other."

"You got a good hand, kid!"

"What?! You wanna fuck Cuno now?"

It's just like back in school. Insults are weapons for bullies. Disarm him, make his weapons your own. Tell him you do wanna fuck him.

I don't know, that sounds like a risky move -- saying that.

Yeah, maybe you're right... it works better if it's not a kid at the other end of the barrel.

Stop thinking this idiotic thought now and say something normal instead.

"Maybe I do?"

"Why would you say that?" The lieutenant turns to you, more surprised than angry.

"Well... uh..." Cuno looks confused.

VICTORY!

Say nothing.

"What's the matter? Cuno's got you cornered? Nothing to say?" He's swaying from side to side like a vicious rooster.