Conversation · Cuno

"Cuno, I found your shack." (Point to the shack.)

"Yeah? Did you fuck in there?"

"What's with the tube of Magnesolam, Cuno?"

"It's a vitamin, pig. Don't you know anything?" He looks at you like you just pointed at the sun and asked what it was.

You could use some.

"It's magnesium, right?"

"Yeah, it's the Mag! You fucking need that shit to stay on top of your game. Cuno goes through like a tube a day, rips Mag like a motherfucker. And you could use a barrel."

"Don't teach him, Cuno! He's gonna use it against you, Cuno!"

"I know all about magnesium. I rock it all the time."

"You're not getting this, pig! It completely takes away the hangover. It's like you didn't do anything! Like you stayed home playing with your choo-choo." He looks at you, eyes bulging.

"Fuck you, pig! Don't do Mag! You're gonna OD and you're gonna fucking die!"

"C'mon, it's just magnesium, don't mystify it."

"Okay, whatever."

"Okay? Whatever?! You fucking need that shit to stay on top of your game. Cuno goes through like a tube a day. And you look like you could use a barrel."

"I found a plate covered with powder residue -- know anything about it?"

"That's where Cuno gets his daily hit of electric, Cuno's shazam. Cuno rides the fucking lightning in there, pig."

Bet you'd like to ride the lightning too, wouldn't you? You feel tired and old, but you could have that sparkle in your eyes...

"I've heard enough of this."

"Good call pigmeister. Don't come and talk to Cuno about his Kingdom."

"Is that my coat up there? I'm pretty sure it's mine." (Point to your coat waving in the wind.)

"Is it?" Cuno squints at it. "You got pretty fucked. Cuno's surprised you've still got your head after all that."

"After all what?"

"Don't sweat it, drunk-pig." Cuno taps his nose twice in conspiracy. "Cuno will keep your nasty secrets. Cuno's not snitchin'."

He's saying you climbed up there. He probably saw you do it.

That explains the callouses on your hands. You scaled the side of the building, entertaining the local kids.

Yep, that conclusively explains how the coat got up there.

"Thanks, kid."

"Whatever, piggy."

"Could I get into the harbour from the roof?"

"'Course you fucking can. How do you think Cuno made all the docky boys his gimps? Just gotta fly, pig."

"I know. I've jumped that."

"Yeah, Cuno saw you barely making it... shit was pathetic."

"Almost landed on your fat ass there!"

They're mistaken. The jump was executed to perfection.

"I tried that. It didn't go so well."

"Cuno knows. Cuno and C saw you shit yourself. It's okay, pig. Not everyone can face the fear -- Cuno style."

That's all there is to it, then! Don't be a pansy, just jump!

"I've got to jump to get in there? At my age? In my condition?!"

"Not everyone can fly like Cuno. You're old, you'll never make it." Cuno crosses his arms. "Moose piss has made you scared in the head."

Moose piss is probably alcohol.

"Is that it? Easy."

"Not for you, pig! Cuno can't wait to see you get all scared and shit your pants."

"Cuno can't wait to see you shit your fat pants!"

"What was with the pighead?"

"Oh that?" He picks a bit of dirt from his fingernail. "Cuno decapitates pigs. That's just a Cuno demo-tape."

"Demo-tape? Like some kind of a musician?"

"Yeah, Cuno plays on snuff radio. Fucks pigs. Live. Fucks their heads off." He ominously points to the shack. "Cuno's a cop killer."

... and somewhere, someone is jerking off to it, just like Noid said. Tune in to snuff radio.

"Cool pig-head. I liked it. I got one too, this one." (Point to your head.) "It's shit."

"What?"

"Uh..." He looks confused. "What is this shit... Fuckin' on yourself? This is weird-level shit, Cuno doesn't go there."

"Fuck your shit back to normal. What is this?"

Well played. No one saw that coming.

Forget it, I'm not saying those things...

"Too brutal for you, huh? Cuno fuck your tongue off?"

(Whisper.) "Yes. I think I'm going insane, Cuno."

"Uh..." He looks you in the eye. "Why you fuckin' on yourself in front of Cuno? Talk Kingdom to Cuno or fuck off."

"No, I just want to get back to the shack."

"F'course you want back in there. Everyone wants back in there."

"Were you trying to send me a message of some sort?"