Conversation · Alice

I DON'T HAVE MY GUN?!

No, it's gone. It's not fucking on you!

Don't sweat it, bratan. You don't need a gun to have fun... we can still have fun. It's not all over.

"10-9, come in, officer! Did you get my question? We were wondering about your gun. Over."

Oh god, it's not here...

Okay, it's gone. Your gun is most definitely gone.

"Ha-ha, officer has lost his badge, ha-ha. Like I'm the first cop to ever misplace his badge."

"He says this has probably happened to other policemen before him and laughs sarcastically."

"Oh goddamnit, is he fucking kidding? The whole station's gonna be dicked for this."

"Satellite-Officer Vicquemare is wondering if you might be joking and adds that this tarnishes the reputation of the entire station. Over."

"Mullen dicked us..."

"Very funny. Who's the Mullen-joker?"

"He wants to know who you are."

"I'm the goddamned Hjelmdallermann! Yeah, tell him I hail from the north!" His laughter is high-pitched and joyous, almost childlike.

"This is Satellite-Officer McLaine, sir. Over."

"Ask him... Ask him to check his hand -- the one without a wine bottle -- I bet that's where his badge is!"

Dick Mullen is not your name. It's the name of a fictional detective who would not lose his badge.

"Hey, who is this?!"

"This is Communications Officer Jules Pidieu, sir. Over."

"No, the other one!"

"You mean your partner? Over."

"What is he saying?"

"He's asking who you are."

"I'm his goddamn partner!"

"It's your partner, Satellite-Officer Vicquemare, sir. Over."

"Did he lose his memory along with his fucking badge?" The man in the background sounds like he's losing his patience.

Say nothing.

"Is it him?!" a dry voice asks in the background. "What does he want?"

"Says he lost his badge and needs to report it."

"10-9. Over."

"Jules, I've heard that some people think of me as a La Puta Madre's peone... Do you think I'm corrupted?"

"10-4, sir." There's a pause, as he seems to mull it over behind his enormous radio-microphone. "Well, there's been some talk, sir," he finally says reluctantly.

"I want you to know that I would never ever do anything like that. I'm not taking bribes, Jules!"

"I only meant that there's been some talk in the station, that's all. But there's always some talk in the station. You know how officers in Jamrock are..."

"But then again, some of us truly are on the take. It's unfortunate. Over."

"Does it mean people know that I'm a dirty cop? Because I am. I'm the dirtiest, most dangerous cop in Revachol. My reputation precedes me."

"I hope you're joking, sir." His voice is dry and humourless. "I only meant that there's been some talk in the station, that's all. But there's always some talk in the station. You know how officers in Jamrock are..."

"Some talk? What does it even mean there's been some talk? Do they think I'm corrupt or not?!"

"I only meant that there's been some talk in the station, that's all. But there's always some talk in the station. You know how officers in Jamrock are..."

"I'm happy to report that I have found my badge, Jules."

"10-4, sir, glad to hear that! I'll write down that there's no need to issue a new one to you then. Over."

Feels good to get that off your chest, right? Celebration with beer?

"I have successfully located my 9mm Villiers pistol. It's on me now and I won't lose it again."

"10-4, sir. Roger that. And very glad to hear it. I will make relevant changes to the report."

"Listen, I've actually lost my gun, too."

"10-4, I know, I already wrote it in a report, but..." He hesitates. "It will stay on my desk for a few days. Over."

"I am in dire need of financial assistance."

"10-4, I hear you. I don't have the authority to grant your request, but...."

"Do you need anything else? Over."

"What does he want now?"

"He is asking for money."

"Is he fucking kidding?!"

"I don't think he is."

"Don't give that asshole anything, he's just gonna drink it all!"

"Alright." The operator turns back to you. "That's a negative on the additional funds, sir. Over."

"Please, I'm begging you here! I don't even have a place to sleep tonight."

"He says he's in trouble, doesn't have a place to sleep."

"Well, I guess he'd better crack the case before sundown then!"

"Vicquemare said..."

Who cares what this Vicquemare said -- pull on their heart strings!