Conversation · Idiot Doom Spiral

"Now me, on the other hand? I only provide very high-concept ideas. And as I already understand your needs I can marry them with your brand easily. I'll help you make your mark."

"I got you some more booze, can you tell me the next story now?"

"Hey, sorry for being a buzzkill earlier. I'll supply the booze if you'll supply the stories."

"Wonderful!" He claps his hands together.

"I'd like to listen to the tale of the Headless FALN Rider again."

He breathes in deeply, preparing his recitation...

"Let's talk about improving my personal brand again..."

"Right on." He swigs his beer. "Have you made your mind up?"

"Be seein' you." [Leave.]

"Okay, let's step aside for a second, I have something I want to talk about."

"You too, Tequila Sunset!"

"Okay, here's your jacket. Fresh washed!"

"My jacket?"

"Yeah, the one you had me clean the seagull shit off of."

A look of consternation crosses the man's face. He looks at you, then at his bottle, then back at you...

"What the fuck are you talking about, Tequila?"

"So you're saying this isn't your jacket?"

"'FALN'? That's medium-concept stuff. Not my style at all... I can't believe I'm saying this, but maybe you should lay off the booze -- It's fucking with your head."

It becomes abundantly clear to you how this man managed to lose his keys, business, friends and girlfriend.

I'm calling it -- it's neurological.

"I went through a lot of trouble to get this for you. Take the fucking jacket." (Give it to him.)

"You know what? Fine. Maybe I can pawn it for some booze."

"Aye, good thinking."

"Your loss. I'm keeping the jacket for myself." (Keep it.)

"That shit is so medium-concept I wouldn't touch it with a stick. But yeah, okay, I'm sure it looks great on you."

"It's an okay jacket." The lieutenant shrugs. "If you're into that look."

"That shit is so medium-concept I wouldn't touch it with a stick. But yeah, okay, I'm sure it looks great on you."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Rosemary, what the fuck is Tequila talking about?"

"Aye, that's the jacket you stole two weeks ago. From the kid who was making it with his gal on the beach."

"That's disgusting. I've never done anything like that in my life. You're both delusional." He scoffs. "'FALN'? That's medium-concept stuff."

"Yeah, it was pretty filthy, though, so I got it cleaned for you."

"I found your jacket."

"Ah, Tequila, I knew you'd come through. That's fucking great, man!"

"You seem like you're characterized by your storytelling ability -- wanna tell me another one some time?"

"Whoop-dee-doo. So now I'm a fucking storyteller..." he says, slapping his knee. "Right. Why not? Better than a beach bum."

"Yes -- wanna tell me how you became Idiot Doom Spiral?"

"It depends, really. Are you willing to help me out?"

The gleam in his eyes and the slouch in his posture is so incredibly familiar...

You might get scammed here.

"I have a feeling that this is going to cost me a lot."

"No, the reality of the situation requires a rather modest contribution -- a little motivational package."

So this is how being on the other side of the barrel feels.

"You want booze, don't you?"

"I don't want it, man." His eyes light up. "I need it. Can't tell stories without it -- dry stories are boring, you see."

"So, have you got anything for good old Idiot Doom Spiral? A bottle for a story. Seems fair to me."

"What do you need?"

"Booze. Did you already forget our party?" He taps his finger to his temple. "The thing I relayed to you earlier?"

"No, actually I've heard enough stories for a lifetime. They s-u-c-k. Goodbye." [Leave.]

...is what you almost say, but the words choke in your throat. Do you really want to miss out on all this good stuff? Perhaps it's significant.

(Yes, say it. Say it!) "Stories SUUCCKK! I don't want to hear any of them. Ever!"

"Whuh...? Uh... geez," he stammers. "I told you I wasn't much of a storyteller. It's okay, I didn't want to tell them anyway."

Oh, no. I wouldn't want that. Not at all.

Exactly. So you know what to say.

"Yeah, you look like someone with a lot of cool stories. Wanna tell me how you even became Idiot Doom Spiral?"

Why not? What's in it for me anyway?

There might be interesting details, fresh experiences, exciting rewards... you'd really ignore it all?

"I want to hear the story of your name again."

"What's in a name..." He looks up to the sky as if pondering the question, then turns back to you.

"Here he is! The man, the reality, the financial czar." He presents you to the group as if on a stage. "You seen it yet?"