Conversation · Idiot Doom Spiral

"No."

"Aha!" He takes a sip from his beer. "Do you want to know how Tequila Sunset came to be?"

"Are there any more stories you can tell?"

"Not that I can think of, currently."

"I guess that makes sense. You have been drinking a lot."

"That might be the case, yes."

"Found another batch of alcohol, can you tell me the third story now?"

"Okay, I changed my mind. Sing me the song of Tequila Sunset."

"So, uh -- can you tell me the Tequila Sunset story now?"

"Didn't I already say, I don't wanna be the one who breaks it to you? You have to get acquainted with the event first! It'd be irresponsible..." The man shakes his head. His gray eyes look into yours.

...and also scary to tell you.

You need to face up to it. Go to the sea, inspect the machine.

"What do you guys do around here?"

"We are saving the world!" He looks at his comrades.

"Please... please don't call... don't call..." begs the man in the pipe.

"Okay, we're drinking. We're drinking alcohol -- that's what we're doing. I tried to save the world once, a long time ago, with enterprise, creativity and willpower, but that didn't work out."

"So now it's a pirate's life for me."

"Have you seen a woman named Ruby around here lately?"

"Can't really remember seeing any women after losing my keys."

It's a touchy topic. He hasn't gotten laid in ages.

He really has no idea who this Ruby is, sire.

"Idiot Doom Spiral... I am ready now. I've seen it. Tell me the story of Tequila Sunset."

"Mhm. Let me take a sip to moisten up my cords..." He takes a big sip, then begins: "Tequila Sunset rolled into Martinaise last Friday. And by Tequila Sunset I mean you -- the man, the myth."

"So I checked out the horseback monument..."

"No one does it better than me, eh?" He claps his hands in delight. "I was able to get it all together -- and so fast too. No wonder I used to be an industry leader..."

"Listen, I can feel it in my guts -- a bright future awaits you, the one and only Tequila Sunset! You're already building great brand equity. No doubt the profits will come rolling in shortly."

This little weasel still isn't owning up to ripping you off!

"That's it? It's just a bunch of scaffolding!"

"Of course not. Your trademark will be all over it as soon as the workers can get to it. The strike's holding them up. Not much I can do about that." He shrugs, then takes a swig from the bottle.

"I guarantee the papers will pick it up once it's all finished, with photos and everything. You'll be the talk of the town -- investing into the community, creating value, giving back..."

Papers? Maybe she'll read the papers and see your name... Maybe it will bring her back...

A woman is sitting by the kitchen table, eating buttered toast and drinking herbal tea. She opens the Salzneben Report, a quarterly business magazine. There, in shiny tricolour print -- him, triumphant and victorious, like an apparition from the past...

Hey, your new Personal Brand Strategist still hasn't laid off the drink -- even though he promised.

The strike might take forever... Maybe you should just cut your losses while you can.

"I wonder what the newspapers might say..."

"What would you like them to say?"

Here's a man who knows how to play the media -- by starting with the right question.

"Local detective solves murder while making his fortune!"

"But we haven't solved the murder yet," the lieutenant says. "We might have if you hadn't gotten distracted by this."

"Very nice. You could be your own PR agent, Tequila." He nods.

"Philanthropist rescues local kid from violent father, town pays tribute!"

"Local bankruptcy curse lifted by stock market mogul!"

"Nightclub owner reinvigorates youth culture, makes a fortune!"

"Wealthy businessman renovates local eyesore!"

"Weren't you going to drink less while on the job?"

"Tequila... you know it isn't that easy yourself. I promise you I'm working on it." He winks, his fingers tightening around the bottle.

He isn't 'working on it' -- he'll never stop drinking.

He sighs. "It isn't that easy... But I'm working on it. I really am. I even signed up for this evening group in Jamrock."

Sire, he's telling the truth.

"I'm pulling the project. I don't have confidence it will ever get finished." [Cancel the entire task.]

"But Tequila..." He hangs his head in despair. "For what? I really tried to make it work this time -- for you, for me, for the triumph of high-concept ideas..."

"And I didn't even lose anything!" He stares into empty space, eyes like discarded bottle caps. "Okay, guess I'm back to where I was before. Square one. It's not like I haven't been here before."

"Anything else you want?" He takes an enormous swig from the bottle, swaying back and forth.

"Alright, I trust you to deliver the final final product." (Proceed with the quest.)

"Don't spend a single brain cell worrying about it, just leave it all to me... the final outcome will be spectacular. Just takes a little time..."

"Anything else?" He throws one leg over another, smug and content.

"It was extraordinary. Truly a feat of the century to get that scaffolding up so fast."

"Ya hear that, Rosie? I'm back -- big time." He reaches over to his buddy to clink the bottles, then turns back to you.

"And that's only the start. Wait until the strike's over and the workers can finally deliver the product. I guarantee the papers will pick it up. You'll be the talk of the town -- -- investing into the community, creating value, giving back..."

"Listen, I know you're trying to rip me off..." (Take a threatening step forward.)